2018.03.20 - Day 6

Bowing to my food, visibly or internally, is getting to be more of a habit. I also found myself to be more with my breakfast than usually, not just when eating it but also when preparing it.

Calling things good or bad, joy or pain, is making up stories. But not calling things good or bad, joy or pain, is denying stories, not just mine but those of other beings as well. So what now?

My note relates to stories, too.

At Step 2 (surveying, including surroundings, self), lives all the psychological work I've done through my life, to cope with, heal from, learn about what has seemed to define or move things, happen to me, by me. Diagnoses I've made of others and the why of suffering in the and my world. It used to seem that Step 2 was the pathway to Step 3, where there is joy and ease and peace, incorporating, integrating, transcending all that. Maybe it is and yet, there aren't really answers at Step 2. There can be a lot of appreciation and play and acceptance of 'it all', so much learning and comfort. But sometimes that comfort is entrapping, entrancing, giving the impression that ordinary life is meant to be mostly Step 2, since that is what is most easily conveyed and related to with others.

Do we have to determine a good or bad on anything? Is it denying another's story to enjoy and let that be the "call"? To savor the food and drink for itself, for what it is. I like people to judge me on "me" not on all the people's dna that went into who I started out as.. or all the experiences that got me to who I am. I'd like to be judged in the moment of now. I think my food/drink can be judged as sweet, bitter, smooth, well balanced or whatever.. in the now of eating or drinking it. Here's also a thought on other people's stories. Even tho my son thinks that his recent visit with his cousins where they shared information that had never been given to him before (50 years after the fact) I still don't understand the story of those lives they discussed. I knew the people before they were even born, yet I still don't Know those people. I am still puzzled by their behavior. I had to give up on ever thinking I could know them or understand them. I did that long ago. I wish he'd found out answers that help me, at least for him they were resolutions so I am glad he made that visit. I can't imagine the stories of total strangers when those close to me remain hidden and mysterious. Now that they are dead on top of it, it seems unlikely there will ever be any understanding. Ah well. I like to imagine the image of someone bowing to their food, It is very uplifting. very beautiful picture to study.

Spring!
One Riddle is: old enough to still be young and stupid:
- Staying until closing a bar on St. Patrick's day.
- Letting somebody turn her alarm off and go back to sleep on an important day.
- Finding an alt has won a new mesh body. Take 4+ hours finding no head nor cloths that work with it.
- Warm happy feeling of going out to dinner with good friends. Being 3rd of 17 cars (counted them) going 30mph in a 55mph zone. the two cars pass, both in dangerous curves/hills. Flashing headlights, giving the international single finger signal to pull off. Passenger is fueling fire with "it is ok, we are in no big hurry". Seven years of saying never to get angry like this -- at somebody driving with car troubles, health problems, mental challenges, not knowing the laws or how to drive and being so inconsiderate to all.
- Writing this

Missed yesterday which was a kind of rebooting day for me; something is brewing under the surface. I am busy with my imaging project too.

Right now I am watching the beginnings of our latest snow storm out my window, sleet for now. It will be the fourth nor'easter in four weeks when it gets serious tomorrow. Remembering the 1958 Equinox storm.

In the warm pavilion, sitting by the pool, we conjured up playing as being loving as Playing as Being. I hope I can remember this, could be my new goal in this project. Why not?

As soon as I click "send" to transmit the project I have been helping him with for many hours on many days, my companion comes up with a new demand: could I send his bibliography to so and so?

I would have liked to have been more graceful in my refusal to do that right now. But, at least I told him I needed some time for myself to breathe and take care of the numerous tasks that are on my plate, before he asks me to do yet some other simple work he could very well do by himself.

I then leave to complete my 10,000 daily steps. When I come back he says he's sorry and agrees he has a tendency to ask for more as soon as he gets some help. I sigh with relief, feeling understood.