2018.06.12 - Day 90

I remembered being interested in Gendlin’s focusing at one time. I checked my Kindle and sure enough I had bought his book in 2011 and had never read any of it. I’m a ‘hungry ghost’ for books, yes.

Tart talks about how difficult it can be to get students to do exercises that help them to like themselves. Much easier to develop compassion for others rather than ourselves:
‘That we harbor strong dislike for and rejection of ourselves is not surprising in light of what we have discussed about the enculturation process. We all went through rejection, rejection that made no sense to us. We had our essential feelings invalidated many times, and we learned to identify with socially desirable aspects of ourselves and disidentify with those that didn't fit into consensus reality. It was natural to develop a general feeling like "What I basically am is not good enough, is bad. I can only be accepted and loved if I am careful to do the right thing and don't act spontaneously."
I think we know when someone isn’t being spontaneous though. There’s a falseness there I don’t like and I wish they would just be themselves.

I must try Tart’s idea: ‘Now, all through the regular steps of the morning exercise, keep that little smile on your face; emotionally smile at your body parts as you sense them.’

Tart, Charles T.. Waking Up: Overcoming the Obstacles to Human Potential (Kindle Locations 5443-5444). Fearless Books. Kindle Edition.

First official day of the new focus and, I forgot. I remembered when I came here earlier this afternoon to read, "all through the steps of the morning exercise..." :) Still, there's something to be said for "blooming practice" whatever time of the day, taking a step back and letting everything carry on without you, even for just a few minutes. After a pleasant dream session, I was up to that.

Took a chance to search for focusing in the PaB Wiki. Lo and behold (scroll down):
https://wiki.playasbeing.org/Chat_Logs/2014/08/2014.08.18_13%3a00_-_Focusing

Smiled to see the surround that Bleu made for the previous pavilion, one of a few. edited 22:39, 12 Jun 2018

Very tired. Late to bed, early to rise. Jobe had a 'team bonding' event, spouses invited, in a hospital director's back yard, so I missed Dream Workshop and had to stand in the sun all afternoon. I'm a delicate English rose, sans parfum, and not built for this heat.

Imagine...

Remember the days when the Internet was new, and it seemed exciting and avant-garde, almost like some slightly risqué but pioneering student event? Then later when it felt like walking into the library you'd always wanted on your doorstep? Remember when the Internet seemed to purr with momentum and meaning? When it felt like a community and you were part of it, or wanted to be part of it? And then later still when it felt like your favorite coffee shop had opened nearby?

Remember when reading the public comment section of an on-line newspaper, or video site, or even a game supplier - remember when it was actually an enjoyable, profitable or inspiring experience? When there was often a feeling of camaraderie between fellow posters?

Contrast that with now. Is the magic still there? Even if you're running privacy software and ad blockers like I do, you'd be forgiven if that feeling has changed to one of being in a shopping mall, or at least an extension of your shopping experience. You can still socialize with your friends, but does it now feel more like being in a noisy food court with all the distractions of commerce flickering around you? Do you, like me, tend to avoid comment sections nowadays because they're no longer 'safe spaces' and have instead become the home of trolls and toxicity, and that you no longer learn anything there?

If that doesn't ring true at all with you, please read no further. But if you'd like to recapture some of that old magic, or even if you're simply fed up of being sold as a commodity, please travel with me over these last few days of the 99 day project! :)

Am paying attention, Storm!

Regardless of what I set out to do, during these days I've been way less sucked into Facebook, just very little pull toward it, because what I'm drawn to is the kind of conversations we have here. Since they are happening, what's to go fishing for? I've had to remind myself to check on certain friends there once in a while. Feels good!

Twitter,otoh, I participate in precisely because it is connected to the outer world. Even if all I'm doing is adding to the data, I haven't decided whether that in itself matters. If I register as just one more speck in a crowd that cares about say, children being separated from their parents on the borders, I'll try to do that until I feel more sure it is counterproductive. I do feel those scales tipped that way sometimes.

I mean, it is completely unreasonable to be overwhelmingly invested in one racoon scaling a 26 story building, as I was yesterday. I'm positive that the level of glee and relief I felt, when they lured him onto the roof finally this morning, is a sign of desperation to hear/see/be part of something starved and fragile beating the odds.

Am open to new ideas though, especially since, when 99 Days is finished I don't want to be lured back into warpy FB reality. edited 00:00, 14 Jun 2018