2018.06.01 - Day 79

‘I spend a couple of class periods on Gurdjieff s ideas when I teach my course on humanistic and transpersonal psychology at the university. The idea that we need a teacher to awaken evokes strong resistance from the students every time. They frequently get so caught up in this resistance that it blocks their access to other ideas of Gurdjieff’s. A major source of resistance is our enculturation as Americans: we believe we are rugged individualists and we can do anything we want to do on our own. As a good American I sympathize with and often share this feeling.’

Tart, Charles T.. Waking Up: Overcoming the Obstacles to Human Potential (Kindle Locations 4740-4744). Fearless Books. Kindle Edition.

This paragraph reminded me of Bellah’s famous book ‘Habits of the Heart’ which I no longer possess, unfortunately, after I had a clearout of books couple of years ago. Individualism is a huge topic and the trend is not confined to America, I think. The strong individual who manages his own destiny and succeeds against all odds is still a feature of many American movies that have been exported worldwide. If they get wounded and have to go into hospital. They usually just find they haven’t time for such nonsense and rip away the tubes and walk out  I find a lot of it in myself – probably why I like Jack Reacher novels - a character who just wanders around America having interesting adventures without having any commitments or ties. Just a form of escapism I guess. I would call myself Communitarian and recognise my deep dependence on my community.

Low grade headache and fogginess for most of the day. No interesting thoughts or reading, just doing basic things.:)

Recognizing one's "deep dependence on community" feels like the flip side of independence. Like so much, 'both' seems the right balance, but I think the recognition is admirable, not that easy for many.

I have been having difficulty maintaining even a simple practice for the last few days. Seems like I don't have much energy or motivation, and by the time I get through the day's required tasks, I just want to do nothing for the rest of the day. Maybe I've been pushing myself too much to pursue too many things at once. The problem is, there is nothing that I really can or wish to drop.

I'm now reading the chapter on "Will" in William James' classic psychology text. James is one of my three favorite psychologists. (Carl Jung and Eugene Gendlin are the other two.) The book is 125 years old now, but I still find it refreshing to read about what psychology was like before behaviorism took over and introspection became taboo.

James' analysis of the topics of attention and will is directly relevant to the Gurdjieff/Tart practices I am trying to work with. But I am beginning to think that I am missing a piece. That piece could be something like "intention", which I think is not quite the same as "will".

I'm going to keep working with self-remembering until the end of the 99 days, then decide whether to continue that or change course.

I had an interesting (non-lucid) dream last night, in which I was asked if I was "ready to come over" from the science side of a university building to the arts side. I told them that I would prefer to be in the middle, where I could watch what is happening on both sides at once.

:)

I've come across so many new or unusual words and phrases reading this penultimate chapter of Homo Ludens. I hesitate to say "learned" (or British "learnt") because I guess they won't be remembered, not by me at any rate.

Add to that words I barely use anyway, and you get a list that includes "meretricious", "rhinegrave", "allonge", "dolce stil nuovo", "autochthonous", "cum grano salis", "enfeoffing", ... the list goes on.

I rather suspect Huizinga is playing with the reader, especially as this section investigates the Baroque, which he specifically describes as having a "general tendency to overdo things"!

I would continue, but it would be a nimiety.