2018.05.04 - Day 51

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May the fourth be with you.

Done! Thanks, Storm.

Busy day. They had trouble with breathing test ( as has happened before) because of my weak facial muscles but they tried a different machine and got a better result.

Have come to a part in 'Waking Up' where Tart talks about the multiplicity of personality states we each possess. We need to be able to move smoothly from one state to the other when required. Can't say I have read about this before. Most spiritual teachings seem to indicate any self as a kind of illusion. Lots of psychological stuff about defense mechanisms coming up. I don't know much about psychology but it seems interesting.

No intention learning or unlearning today. :) Glad for focus and solitude.

Found myself reading Ways of Knowing logs from 2010: Lojong discussions. I hardly understand myself then, but see me working hard not to resort to cliche's and rather to describe always from personal experience of beyond self (a phrase which of course makes no sense on its face). It isn't entirely different now, but I do 'hear' better now... hear the wholeness of a conversation. For instance I missed a major point about taking lojong as more of a whole, rather than singling out a few. edited 22:04, 4 May 2018

Zen - In my experience with polytheist spirituality - most European and some Asian - self is not an illusion. I’ve haven’t read Tart, but perhaps he’ll be referring to techniques that have close analogues to how a clairvoyant medium or spiritual healer operates. When I worked in those fields, defensive techniques were as important as hygiene, antiseptic and disinfectant precautions in physical medicine. The same goes for shamanic work. How they really worked, I had no clue, but the pragmatist in me didn’t care as long as they did work!

Eliza - I remember lojong. I don’t think I was cut out for it! As a practice, of course the temptation is to cherrypick and even say, “Oh I don’t need to do that one,” whereas a systematic approach was always recommended, though I have to say I did find the root texts valuable. These things were too much like hard work for me with not enough fun involved. Not enough play! /me is such a lazy ditz.

Returning to play, I finished the linguistic section of Homo Ludens. In general I like word play and etymology, and my ex was a linguist (though not a polyglot), so much of this was familiar ground. The one surprise was realizing that “play” was related to “pledge”. edited 23:10, 4 May 2018

When we started with lojong, I was reading sutras, and taking 55 breaths a day as an attempt to take on a preliminary type practice I thought I'd stick with. it felt great to take the line-sized bites, and ideal for hour long discussions. The ones I did work with, have constantly come up in timely ways, but hm, that's about 7 out of all of them. :)

I wonder what individual timelines would be like, for many of us, with changes in understanding and proportion for the big concepts like self/no self. edited 00:19, 5 May 2018

I changed my Twitter password also, Storm, thank you, I also posted yesterday's Coffee sketch today so that's why there are two sketches, apologies edited 02:37, 5 May 2018

I am still here, but I have not had time to keep up with all the fascinating and insightful comments being posted here. I feel small and insignificant, for although I have managed at least a few minutes of practicing each day, I have no deep insights or reflections to share. From time to time I think I have glimpsed something, but like a dream it evaporates before I can get it down in words.

I am intending to stay on for the whole 99 days. My practice has shifted somewhat, and I am now attempting the self-remembering and self-observation practices of Gurdjieff, as described by Tart in his book. Zen, I am glad to hear that you are finding something of interest and value in that book too.

In Tart's book, I was struck by a passage in which he describes the difference between two people who are both given the task of sweeping the floor:

"Ordinary sweeping typically involves thinking about something other than what you are actually doing, something "more important." The sweeping activity itself is usually hurried, more forceful than necessary, sometimes with an angry quality about it. The sweeper often has a slightly glazed look in his eyes, as his mind is elsewhere, "out to lunch." A person who is remembering himself could also sweep the same floor. A careful observer might notice a certain "present" look in his eyes and a deliberate looking at the floor to be swept, suggesting that the sweeper's mind is present. ... All in all, an impression might be created of someone actually present who is deliberately and consciously sweeping." (Tart, Charles T.. Waking Up: Overcoming the Obstacles to Human Potential (Kindle Locations 4633-4641). Fearless Books. Kindle Edition.)

I had a dream in which my father was fishing and hooked a large fish on his line. After he pulled the fish to the shore, it seemed to turn into a lion. A couple of days later, I opened my Kindle e-reader and it was mysteriously positioned at a passage in Holecek's book, describing the notion of "Lion's gaze":

"The teaching is that if you throw a stick out and away from a dog, the dog will chase after the stick. But if you throw a stick out and away from a lion, the lion will chase you. The lion’s gaze is set upon the thrower, not the thrown. We all have the gaze of a dog, forever chasing the sticks thrown out by our own minds. We’re constantly running after the thoughts and emotions that are endlessly tossed up from within. ... Whenever anything pops up, we go after it. We buy into it. That’s getting seduced into the projections of our own mind. That’s getting lost in the display. That’s non-lucidity." (Holecek, Andrew. Dream Yoga: Illuminating Your Life Through Lucid Dreaming and the Tibetan Yogas of Sleep (Kindle Locations 1788-1800). Sounds True. Kindle Edition.)

These passages set the direction for my second half of the 99 days. It seems to me that the crux is to engage in a simple act of will, of deliberately directing attention into what I am experiencing and doing right now, instead of chasing my thoughts into the ether while my body runs on autopilot.

I am thinking now that I need to go back and reread the chapters on Attention and Will in William James' famous psychology text (which I have not opened in many years). My practice comes down to exercising the basic faculty of voluntary or directed attention, which as I recall, James considers to be the essence of free will.

There, I did have something to share. :) I will try to check in at least every few days and to at least skim all of your wonderful entries when I have the time.

Alma - I love your quote of the Lion’s Gaze. Thank you! And, for what it’s worth, in my experience that “simple act of will” gets easier with practise and lasts for longer, to the point where eventually it becomes the natural way to be. I believe you may find it’s a journey worth taking. :)

Ah, such wonderful notes to take in before bed soon. Thank you.

Canvas and paint, mirror and reflection, stick and lion. Nice!

Thank you Storm. Directed attention is sometimes likened to a muscle that gets stronger with exercise. We'll see.