2018.06.26 - Day 104

'My wife commented that “After getting into all this, you can seem very cold at times towards others’ suffering.” I think that makes sense because if you don’t take your own interpretations too seriously, you will no longer take others seriously either, which will seem cold and unfeeling on the surface.'

Niebauer Ph.D., Chris. The Neurotic's Guide to Avoiding Enlightenment: How the Left-brain Plays Unending Games of Self-improvement (Kindle Locations 535-537). Outskirts Press, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

I first became aware of the way the mind comes up with stories that cause suffering when I read some basic CBT on a website years ago - which I needed at the time. Byron Katie is good on this with her techniques for seeing through the stories. But I find it can be hard to explain to others. It's as if they prefer to wallow in the drama that just causes them more suffering, as I'm sure I once did myself (maybe still do a little before I notice it.)

Zen, thanks for highlighting this.

For me, this 'coldness' and 'nonattachment-as-distance' is a defining topic, and one that has brought me to pull on the reigns when it comes to spiritual community sometimes, because, if I look at my own practice life, this is an important *phase* or *component*. It is a game-changing Insight to truly see through stories that cause suffering, and that one is not that, others are not that, and certainly it takes a while, maybe more time than one can calculate, to comprehend and live that way, but living that way is to suspend judgement/sustain openness for something really not cold and distant to come forth. It is part of an atmosphere cultivated. I feel as though spiritual communities are sometimes so enamored with this wonderful insight, that it seems like passing it along is the most helpful thing to do for another, but someone who embodies the insight can't really help but pass it along in their way of being, really caring and daring to come close to problems they may have no logical answers for, but aren't put off by either.

Ack... such a hard thing to make sense of in words, but I think that's why, even if in our time it seems like an antiquated idea, 'meeting a teacher' and cultivating daily practice is still so important, keeping in mind that a teacher may not be teaching for a living. We're all so fortunate here, because we've been able to explore this insight with each other a lot. I've been helped at times by saying something and *not* being responded to, as much as being responded to, even if part of me sometimes 'thinks' that what is needed is to be defended in some way.

An interesting person said something off-handed recently... that we go 'through' oneness to noneness. Perhaps the line about not taking self/others seriously touches on that. And then there seems the allowing. edited 20:10, 26 Jun 2018

Began the second week of the 'How to make a poem' course and completed a few modules.

A little quote from the intro to that from poet and professor Michael Symmons Roberts:
"...perhaps sounding it out as well. Because hearing it, hearing yourself say it, however quietly, obviously if you're on a train that can be embarrassing, but you need at some point to hear it. Because poetry is a kind of form of music, isn't it?"

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Feeling warmth and showing it, or feeling empathy and showing compassion, all at the same time having insight and non-attachment is, in my opinion, a crucial life-skill, but one that can take many years to achieve.

But there's a shortcut! You can be transformed with the close connection and example of just one other person who has achieved it and lives it effortlessly. It is SO ATTRACTIVE! And for those nearby who are ready, it is an influential glow that can change their lives forever.

That said, it does seem to need a personal physical touch. It is really hard to give or receive at that level through, for example, email.