2018.05.17 - Day 64

Finding Tart's 'sensing,looking, listening ' difficult too. He says we should be paying attention to sensing our legs and arm (to start off with) all the time. That takes about 5 to 7% of our attention. The rest seems just paying attention to what you are doing. Just! But not so easy. Worth trying for a while anyway. I also have trouble with the morning exercise because I have careworkers coming in first thing and chattering and asking me questions, so it has to be postponed until they have gone.

Missed yesterday. Just a 'too much going on, over-spilling compartments' kind of day. Am thinking about objects as a theme - there are objects to sort and prioritize that have their own gravity, but then there are things that come up out of the norm that sap attention even though they aren't as important, seemingly, as other things. Case in point, every few days receiving mail that "As you've requested the address has been changed on your account such and such", for a closed account with a 0 balance. Seeing credit report affected and no one to take responsibility, after several calls. It is an object in the headspace that really, is an annoyance, but along with other things, I felt a bit like a person in an underwater cave, looking for a bubble.

Added: I did try 'dream planning' last night. Found myself wishing to paint, but recently discarded my easel (was huge for the small apartment). Have to find a simpler way. Dreams were vivid but I can't see how/if they related to the practice. edited 16:15, 17 May 2018

I did better with dreaming last night. I recalled and recorded five, but then didn't have time to transcribe them during the day. I was able to practice self-remembering some early in the day, including on a walk in the woods, but then lost it as the day progressed. I think, though, that I am getting a better sense of the practice and how to work with it.

The chapter in Homo Ludens on Play and Knowing, which I've just finished, turned out mostly to be about The Sacred Riddle. Or, as I was to find out, The Fatal Riddle. (Please no one tell him that we're on to him! ;)