2018.05.19 - Day 66

Steve: always meant to ask you if you ever try turning a photo upside down and then drawing it? Its a technique from a famous book by Betty Edwards called 'Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain.' Doing that disconnects the logical side of the brain that provides a pre-thought image that makes it harder to see what is really there. The example in the book is drawing a chair. It is so difficult to get the legs right but much easier if you do it upside down.

Seeing how lost in thought I still am when trying Tart's 'sensing, looking, listening.' Had eggs and bacon at Sainsburys - going through a ketonic diet phase after watching 'The Magic Pill' on Netflix. Cereals just don't agree with me. Picked up a small Windows laptop from Argos store. Hope be able to use in bed but not sure how. Would prefer a Mac but they are hopelessly overpriced. Think Apple has lost its way on small laptops. The competition has caught up and they aren't as innovative since Jobs died.

Hope the laptop makes everything easier for you, Zen. My laptop is functioning as a word processor these days, making it much harder to multitask than it used to be, although there have been benefits to that in having to actually set aside time to be on the computer. I do wonder how/if it will work when I begin courses soon. Guess we'll see. :)

Am thinking of ways to make a personal silent retreat. It isn't so much output but limiting input that would make it difficult here, yet, I want to be sure to make this kind of time. I think I came home from Amsterdam with the feeling to be involved with everything, as much as possible, without taking a moment to pause and ask life what balances it may have in mind. :)

Watching clips of the royal wedding today. Lovely couple. The fascinators are not quite as fabulous as for some events - everyone wants to be respectful and elegant. As always it is difficult to take in the luxurious displays while not turning away from pervasive suffering of inequalities (impossible to compartmentalize), and the re-normalizing in our times, of what some have labeled 'performative cruelty'.

Btw, helpful re Vipassana:
https://tricycle.org/magazine/vipassana-meditation/ edited 14:15, 19 May 2018

Eliza - Totally understand “the feeling to be involved with everything“. Have done the same returning to PaB this year. But am curious about the personal silent retreat: how does that sit with the project of “unlearning isolation”?

Notwithstanding the heightened consciousness of poverty everywhere nowadays, the ostentatious display of luxury is a longstanding traditional and very British act of eccentric defiance in the face of hard times. There’s almost a ludenesque quality to it, like a potlatch. One demonstrates one’s stoicism to personal deprivation by contributing recklessly to a ridiculous gaudy public waste, even at times of war. This is not a criticism, merely a statement about British character.

By the way, I related that paragraph of yours to Michele (plus my reply) and she said, “She needs to write a book!” (Please reserve the first 100 copies, signed, for me, and I’ll send then to everyone I know. :))

Double dipping. :)

Fascinating take on the royal wedding, Storm. I'm not sure why I didn't bother with William/Kate's, but this one stirred all kinds of feelings, from remembering watching Diana's wedding and the day she died, when oldest stood in front of the TV calling me, "Mom, the princess of the whales has died" with tears running down her face -- to feelings about my own early married days, where we attended wedding after wedding, event after event, and I dressed far better than I manage to now because it did seem like the most important thing in the world. How much distress finding (and paying for!) just the right gifts. Also too, playing out young memories of hats and gloves and tiny purses for church. So proper, juxtaposed also with sorrows at home. So much feels disconnected, floating through time and space. Maybe not so different from what you describe.

Thanks so much to you and Michele, Storm. Am curious, which paragraph? My sense is that if it happens, it will happen in some kind of flood that I will be carried along in, so I'd pay little mind to the lateness of the time. Reading Luci, about working with a younger crew, was deeply touching.. easy to relate to.

As to why silent retreat, similar. In this little time, I've seen so strongly that (my) sense of isolation is fed by not just blind spot habits/set ways, but also by not taking enough time to get deeply rooted in the 'groundless confidence' we've talked about on occasion... coming from a place of knowing nothing is missing that then makes encounters less daunting. I want to encounter the world with a sense of openness that greets everyone like a fellow guardian. This happens at times, and I love it, but more of life could be that way. :)

Saw this the other day:
Ichi-go ichi-e (一期一会, literally "one time, one meeting")

"Ichigo Ichie conveys a Japanese aesthetic ideal relating to transience that, when translated into English, literally signifies “One Encounter, One Chance.” The philosophy behind it is that one should always do one's best when meeting someone, treasuring each encounter as a once-in-a-lifetime event, even if it is a friend whom one sees often. For me, this phrase has brought awareness of the value of living each day, hour, minute, and second to the fullest and seizing each chance encounter that life unexpectedly brings. Though the ritual of meeting people follows a regular routine, this phrase stresses that each moment is a unique meeting to be lived intently, never to be repeated, as if today were the last time you might meet— in other words, this phrase teaches one to live his/her whole life now— the fullest in the moment."
~ Jessica Sayuri Boissy ~

Thanks for letting me ramble a little. edited 23:21, 19 May 2018

Day 66 - two-thirds of the way to 99. Though I have not been checking in every day, this group has made it possible for me to stick with this exploration over the last two months. Thank you.

I received a serendipitous email from a Buddhist retreat center today, announcing one of their programs:
"You’re now one step closer to turning off autopilot…You see, mindfulness is a kind of intervention. When we intentionally move our attention to an object of meditation like the breath, it interrupts the stream of habitual energy that drives our lives through the same old recurring thoughts and actions. As we develop this ability, we find there is always a fresh perspective we can take."

This nicely encapsulates how I see the practices described by Tart, Tolle, the Buddhists, and others. It is an exercise of will, as directed attention, in order to de-automatize thinking and behavior. There is also the theme of dis-identification, that is ceasing to identify habitual thought/emotion patterns as one's "self". It seems very simple when I think of it this way, but of course it is not at all easy to do.

Watching the hats this evening (how does one know which way
To tilt it?
Walked,weeded, wondered.
Had a dream about an alien...blue green stripes that turn white upon
Discovery!an infant one with it:)