2018.04.16 - Day 33

Enjoyed anniversary celebrations so much. So sad having to leave early but careworkers come at varying times and don't hang around. I am reading 'Beyond Mindfulness' by Stephan Bodian atm. He spent years in Zen and Mindfulness but felt he needed to do something more. Delightfully down to earth character and that always suits me. I think, as they teach in Zen, that the ordinary is the miraculous.

So, as I have often wondered, do I need to practice on a path for years, and most teachers seem to say we already are what we think we need to become - we only need to actually BE it. Or is there a more direct path? Or maybe the years on a spiritual path prepare us and some of us need that?

I missed writing yesterday both here and in my blog. I am back to my intentions this morning, blogging about nestled dreams and maybe extensions of what I think is my self, not yet close to being dissolved.

I love the discipline of this project, whether it be 99 or 33 or 55 or whatever. We are here and that is what matters.

Preparing the groundwork to help me get started. And checking though the enrollment procedures for these decentralized/distributed social networks has brought another interesting thought to light...

When you sign up for these networks, you sign up first on a single server/pod/instance - a community. (You're not signing up with a corporation as you would with conventional centralized social networks.) But which one should you choose? Although these servers/communities can talk to each other, and you can see what's happening on the "federation" of such servers if you want, each community has their own flavor and themes - and primary languages - and each has more or fewer users.

For example, when I try to sign up for Mastodon, which is the one most similar to Twitter, it has a helpful section to help me choose an instance or community. First you describe your interests. It has entries such as "I am an artist", "I am a musician", "I am a writer", "I am a book lover", "I am LGBTQ+", "I am a gamer", "I am a developer", "I am in academia " etc. etc. You select one and then it points you to a wide choice of suitable servers. But... the default entry is... "I am everything"!

I am everything. That got me thinking.

I've always done things differently to most people. This is especially apparent now I'm a citizen of the United States where, to many people, it appears important to strive to be the best, to be #1. That's not the way I've done things. I'm always happy to be second, or third... whatever. Always a loser, as some tell me derisively. So I'm writing a book whose working title is "The Joy of being Second" because I believe my approach has distinct advantages that others could benefit from.

What is that approach? What I do is this. I take risks and try new things. If I fail, it's no big deal. If I don't enjoy, it's no big deal. Either way, I'll move on and take a risk with something else. If I succeed and enjoy, I'll put some time and effort into it, perhaps for a few days, or a few weeks, usually for a few months, but sometimes, on odd occasions, for a few years. Whatever the time period, I'll continue that activity until I feel there's a plateau occurring. That's when I realize that if I want to become even slightly better at the activity I will have to put in a disproportionate amount of extra time and effort. And that's where I leave it and go take another risk and try something new.

The effect is that I'm really pretty good at a huge swathe of activities, skills and interests, but I'm not even close to being a master at any one of them. There's always someone better than me - usually many people - which if nothing else keeps me humble. I can return to any of these activities at any time, and pick them up and enjoy them again for a while. I can fit in socially with a lot of people because I have many possible areas where I can relate to those people and understand them. I can help others and contribute to lots of things. But I'm not tied to achieving excellence at any one thing. It's the joy of being second. Like being a grade II or grade III renaissance man!

Having said that, there are certainly some things I've outgrown and wouldn't want to return to. In my Imagined Future Self, those are things I will drop. There are other things I'm simply not physically capable of nowadays. That's all part of this exercise.

If this all seems inordinately self-centered, to some extent it is. Necessarily. However, I don't see it at odds with the Recipe for Happiness I used to relay:
..... Be kind.
..... Put others before self - constantly.
..... Have compassion for all - constantly.
..... And when constantly is hard - as much as you can, more and more.
I see the whole 99 day (or however long) exercise as honing my capabilities, removing outdated dross, clearing the field, and fitting myself better for that service of others. And there's nothing that says I shouldn't enjoy the ride while I do it!

A long walk within a short one. Strong breeze blowing the leaves about and a little dog smiling (don't correct me he is definitely smiling). I do not take a picture.

#savoring

A day with an unexpected detour through the local urgent care center, which took up several hours I would rather have put to other uses. I did manage a bit of time this morning for this exploration. Hopefully I'll have more opportunity for writing tomorrow.

A busy day...Today was the first day back to preschool job after spring break. I used a lot of energy there.
I notice that the teachers do not vary the music which is solo piano and sounds like a very stormy
Piece at times. Not my style for a classroom mood.
After I then headed off with a child and her car seat to deliver her home and care for her and her younger sister for three hours.
Then, I drove home to get my husband and drive to our accountant to sign tax forms.
Grocery.
Dinner.
Drive to rental to look at work happening there.Think about how realistic the realtors timeline is.
Drive home.
The really exciting thing was hearing from my son about his time at his new job. He is getting to act as an assistant with renowned woodworkers using their tools.I am so happy for him to get this opportunity.He has written a lovely letter to his grandfather about the new job also. Grampa is so excited since he has a tool from the company and understands all the bravery involved in the move and this transition to a field they both love. There is a four generation love of tools and wood so I am in awe. Who knew this thread of love would be so strong?
Tomorrow is another day,with one foot in front of the other.

OOh I am in awe of the good fortune of Luci's son and how wonderful it is that he wrote about his new job to his grandpa. When your child finds happiness like this and shares with those who love him--ah the world is shiny! On Easter a friend of my daughter came to our house for the first time. She was very interested to see the chair my grandpa carved for his diminutive wife more than 100 years ago because chairs never fit her right--so he made her one. It belongs to my smallest daughter cause it fits her and no one else is allowed to sit in it. When the new friend sat in the chair, it gave me the opportunity to tell the story--and to show her all the things my grandpa carved. She seemed to genuinely admire his work. It's such a part of me that I can't judge objectively if it's good or not. I love the things because I loved him dearly. I too grew up with a fondness for wood and tools. Even today I take good care of tools and like the feel of certain old ones in my hand. There is a small hammer, that I like to hold. Sometimes I pick it up just to feel it in my hand. It must be over 100 years old too. I wonder what it feels like to be 100 years old. I can't picture it.
My mother-in-law is nearly 100 and she went to her sister's 100th party last year. Her sister loves her life; my mother-in-law feels differently. She is angry/bitter that she lived this long. It is hard for me to listen to her, I am not sure how to reply. I listen and wonder why she feels this way, it's so foreign to me. She had such a happy and good life. Very puzzling, but I guess some people run out of steam?

Thank you Raffila!I love how you have written about this! I love how you speak of the hammer you like to hold.And that you understand what this all means to me. edited 14:02, 17 Apr 2018

Spent much time in SL. As this avatar and as two alts that have stories, friends, issues with clothing.

Broke away to prepare asparagus.
listening to favorite radio show
a feature, it ends, a commercial, a new show into, first the daily news, then show intro again, the interview finally starts.
getting the pan lid out of cabinet makes a gong sound. Listen!
A person (a real person; brushes teeth), is important enough to be interviewed, works as an actor (an avatar) on a show (a role play) in a setup environment (a virtual world). Entertains by presenting, bringing meanings and presents a message, and presents

Some person, logs in to a virtual world, assumes an avatar, takes up a position/situation,
chats with You.
tells You.
You hear it
You understand it.
You twist it
it finally makes sense