2013.07.01 19:00 - Compassion, empathy and pity on a semi

The Guardian for this meeting was Aphrodite Macbain. The comments are by Aphrodite Macbain.

Aphrodite Macbain: Hi Cat
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Aph :)
Aphrodite Macbain: Happy Canada Day
Catrinamonblue Resident: :) Happy Canada Day
Aphrodite Macbain: How was yours?
Aphrodite Macbain: RU there?

Compassion and empathy

Catrinamonblue Resident: yes just reading the session from this morning and the links suggested :)
Aphrodite Macbain: ah good for you
Catrinamonblue Resident: some very interesting stuff :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: http://www.differencebetween.net/lan...nd-compassion/
Aphrodite Macbain: Tell me please. I haven't had a chance to read it.
Catrinamonblue Resident: there really is no concensus yet :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: My feelings are that empathy is a passive emotion where compassion compelles you to act
Aphrodite Macbain: It says compassion calls for action...
Aphrodite Macbain: yes
Aphrodite Macbain: I dont know
Catrinamonblue Resident: that there is empathy in compassion but not compassion in empathy
Aphrodite Macbain: Somehow I feel compassion is stronger and more caring
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes
Aphrodite Macbain: less intellectual somehow
Catrinamonblue Resident: A person can show strong empathy and yet not be compassionate when they do not act to alleviate the suffering of another.
Aphrodite Macbain: yes
Aphrodite Macbain: although sometimes it is hard to be able to alleviate some suffering
Aphrodite Macbain: People we see on TV news
Catrinamonblue Resident: well deciding what action to take or not take is the next step
Aphrodite Macbain: nods
Catrinamonblue Resident: but feeling compelled to try to do something is compassion
Aphrodite Macbain: I suppose the stronger one feels the more one would take action
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes
Aphrodite Macbain: I am always moved when young kids take action about a world situation.
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes
Aphrodite Macbain: They are so outraged and impelled to take action that they do things adults dont do
Aphrodite Macbain: we become apathetic
Catrinamonblue Resident: I think sometimes as we get older we are more afraid of social pressure to conform &to not act out in any way that draws attention

Aphrodite Macbain: nods, or we assume we are going to fail
Aphrodite Macbain: so acting on compassion takes courage
Catrinamonblue Resident: I think so
Aphrodite Macbain: and self confidence
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Malinson :)
Malinson Resident: sup
Aphrodite Macbain: "fools step in where angels fear to tread"
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Aphrodite Macbain: Hi Malinson
Malinson Resident: I thought it was the other way around.
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Catrinamonblue Resident: we are talking about the difference between compassion and empathy
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Malinson Resident: Angeles step in where fools fear to tread.
Aphrodite Macbain: you are no longer round and blue!
Malinson Resident: My shorts are blue
Aphrodite Macbain: true
Aphrodite Macbain: true blue
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Aphrodite Macbain: Did you do any celebrating today Cat?
Catrinamonblue Resident: not really, just house cleaning and work :)
Malinson Resident: what are you celebrating?
Aphrodite Macbain: anything happening in Winchester?
Aphrodite Macbain: Canada Day
Malinson Resident: oh...don't know nothin about that
Catrinamonblue Resident: no it's all in the other towns around or up to Ottawa
Catrinamonblue Resident: have no desire to go out alone
Aphrodite Macbain: there was a huge crowd on Parliament Hill
Catrinamonblue Resident: I'm sure :) have done that a time or two :)
Aphrodite Macbain: looked a little hot and overwhelming
Catrinamonblue Resident: Too many people for me really
Malinson Resident: Yeah; someone aught to do something about that
Aphrodite Macbain: right - crowds are very claustrophobic making
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes
Aphrodite Macbain: lots of red and white
Catrinamonblue Resident: smiles
Malinson Resident: not fond of reds
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: What's new with you Malinson?
Malinson Resident: Well...my armpits stink and I got nooo deoderant....how about you?
Aphrodite Macbain: fortunately we are using the Internet
Catrinamonblue Resident: :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: just take a shower
Malinson Resident: I'm in a truck
Catrinamonblue Resident: my sympathies for your nose Malinson :)
Aphrodite Macbain: a truck?
Aphrodite Macbain: with a laptop
Malinson Resident: yep...stuck in a truck at some truck stop
Aphrodite Macbain: going anywhere interesting?
Catrinamonblue Resident: now that sounds interesting on SL in a truck :)
Malinson Resident: nah...full desktop...can't afford a laptop
Catrinamonblue Resident: a bump on a log in a whole in the bottom of the sea :)
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: whole what?
Aphrodite Macbain: :D
Malinson Resident: no....a bum in the see with a hole at the bottom of the log for me
Catrinamonblue Resident: sorry that should have been hole :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: lol Mal good one :)
Aphrodite Macbain: I prefer it the other way - it's more philosophical
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Aphrodite Macbain: You plug it into your cigarette lighter?
Malinson Resident: no..I have an inverter
Malinson Resident: its a semi truck i am living in
Catrinamonblue Resident: good for you :) wifi at the truck stop?
Malinson Resident: wifi?! heavens no...no, you need 4G for SL...I use AT&T
Aphrodite Macbain: Do you drive a semi and drive for miles?
Malinson Resident: yep....pretty much
Aphrodite Macbain: what route do you travel?
Catrinamonblue Resident: fun job being a truck driver?
Malinson Resident: been hanging around texsas like a bad smell...been stuck for three days...no money....normally I run east cost but tomorrow i need to head back to laredo.
Aphrodite Macbain: sounds very romantic!
Aphrodite Macbain: Is that where the jobs are? In Texas?
Aphrodite Macbain: Laredo Texas or Laredo Mexico?
Malinson Resident: white boys are not allowed in mexico
Malinson Resident: I say good for them
Aphrodite Macbain: Good for the white boys?
Malinson Resident: yeah; chances are you wont come back....mexican law prohibits american drivers in thier contry
Malinson Resident: they can deliver here but we can deliver there...go figure that out
Aphrodite Macbain: That kind of spoils the tourist industry, no?
Malinson Resident: its a hellhole anyway
Aphrodite Macbain: all of Mexico?
Malinson Resident: they way they trashed Lardedo....yeah...i would assume it
Malinson Resident: see ya
Aphrodite Macbain: bye take care
Catrinamonblue Resident: bye :)

Aphrodite Macbain: Let's talk about pity then.
Aphrodite Macbain: Is pity useful?
Aphrodite Macbain: and doesn't it involve empathy?
Catrinamonblue Resident: to me pity is when all options have been tried and failed and the person pushes you away or out of their life completly
Aphrodite Macbain: and you pity that person?
Catrinamonblue Resident: then pity comes in as all actions have been exhausted
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes
Aphrodite Macbain: Hmm You are different from me.
Catrinamonblue Resident: how do you see pity
Aphrodite Macbain: Pity comes first often. By the time I've tried everything I feel either angry or nothing
Aphrodite Macbain: Sometimes pity leads me to empathy and occasionally to compassion

Catrinamonblue Resident: I think I was angry for a while but that gave way to pity
Catrinamonblue Resident: it's sad when a person can not see the harm they cause themselves
Aphrodite Macbain: nods
Aphrodite Macbain: Perhaps they are afraid to look
Catrinamonblue Resident: i feel strongly that pity is an emotion of last resort, that empathy is the start and compassion is the action, pity is when nothing can be done
Aphrodite Macbain: Is that how you feel?
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes
Catrinamonblue Resident: empathy is feeling the other's emotions
Catrinamonblue Resident: understanding the pain they feel
Aphrodite Macbain: you do that don't you?
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes I feel the other's emotions
Catrinamonblue Resident: deeply sometimes
Aphrodite Macbain: sometimes that empathy can be debilitating
Catrinamonblue Resident: it's partly why I don't hold grudges
Catrinamonblue Resident: I understand where they are coming from
Catrinamonblue Resident: not for me it hasn't been debilitating
Catrinamonblue Resident: I think because I move from empathy to compassion
Catrinamonblue Resident: taking action to help in some way or non action when needed
Aphrodite Macbain: well - if you can be detatched- your actions are more considered and rational rather than reactive
Catrinamonblue Resident: hard to explain but I can take time and consider the action to be taken
Catrinamonblue Resident: not always if my own emotions are being hurt as well
Aphrodite Macbain: no
Aphrodite Macbain: that makes you human :-)
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes
Catrinamonblue Resident: but when it's pure empathy with no other emotions from me I can detach and step back and see
Catrinamonblue Resident: give consideration to the action needed
Catrinamonblue Resident: to me that is the compassion part
Aphrodite Macbain: yes- it is good to be able to understand how the other feels without being hurt oneself
Catrinamonblue Resident: and as I said pity is when all actions have been exhausted
Catrinamonblue Resident: all you can do is stand by and watch
Aphrodite Macbain: pity, for you, means detachment?
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes
Aphrodite Macbain: It's a less painful place to be
Catrinamonblue Resident: I pity my mother :) she doesn't understand what she has lost by disowning her children
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes there is less pain there
Aphrodite Macbain: Perhaps forgiveness is a means of ridding oneself of this pain
Catrinamonblue Resident: does this change how you see pity or do you still see it as the first emotion?
Catrinamonblue Resident: nods
Aphrodite Macbain: For me, pity is the most superficial emotion
Aphrodite Macbain: Something touches me
Aphrodite Macbain: but it doesn't last
Catrinamonblue Resident: listens
Aphrodite Macbain: When I feel empathy it implies a more extended relationship
Catrinamonblue Resident: pity for strangers? empathy for closer friends? or am I not understanding?
Aphrodite Macbain: and when I feel compassion, is is based on knowing that person more deeply and being able to truly feel their passion (pain or happiness)
Catrinamonblue Resident: can you not feel compassion for a stranger though?
Aphrodite Macbain: That is how I would describe those various degrees of feeling for another person - my experiences
Catrinamonblue Resident: interesting
Aphrodite Macbain: Pity is the least useful emotion; it is somewhat condescending
Catrinamonblue Resident: perhaps it can be but when used with detachment it isn't
Aphrodite Macbain: Maybe
Catrinamonblue Resident: for me pity is the point of letting go completely
Aphrodite Macbain: mmm. not for me
Catrinamonblue Resident: where do you let go?
Aphrodite Macbain: I guess we each have our own meanings for these words
Catrinamonblue Resident: :) yes
Aphrodite Macbain: I let go when there is no hope. I then feel sad or nothing. Never pity
Catrinamonblue Resident: pity is sad
Aphrodite Macbain: No, sad for me, not for the other person
Aphrodite Macbain: Disillusioned
Catrinamonblue Resident: why disillusioned?
Catrinamonblue Resident: what causes that?
Aphrodite Macbain: That things have failed
Aphrodite Macbain: My hopes are dashed
Aphrodite Macbain: My expectations destroyed
Catrinamonblue Resident: I always think of things in terms of lesson learned and there is always hope for tomorrow
Aphrodite Macbain: I would not feel pity for the other person
Catrinamonblue Resident: expectations are bad things I feel
Catrinamonblue Resident: they tend to warp our perception of the other person
Aphrodite Macbain: The danger is to assume that the same situation will repeat iself
Aphrodite Macbain: It's always a new one
Catrinamonblue Resident: sometimes people repeat the same mistakes till they learn how to deal with things differently
Aphrodite Macbain: I should make myself some dinner.
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: eat well APh
Aphrodite Macbain: Lol - thanks
Aphrodite Macbain: take care
Catrinamonblue Resident: you too :)
Aphrodite Macbain: byee
Catrinamonblue Resident: bye