2013.07.06 01:00 - Play as Pema

Wol Euler was guardian for this session.

Wol Euler: timezone-appropriate greetings, Lila
Lila Darkmatter: timezone appropriate greetings to you too, Wol
Wol Euler smiles.
Wol Euler: this is very late for you, or far too early
Lila Darkmatter: both, exactly
Wol Euler nods.
Lila Darkmatter: it is far too late to be up this early
Wol Euler: heheheheheh
Wol Euler: exactly
Lila Darkmatter: so how is Wol?
Wol Euler: cheerful, fairly relaxed
Wol Euler: slept longer than I have in over a week
Lila Darkmatter: so glad!
Wol Euler: thinking about getting back into all kinds of good habits that I let slip during the madness
Wol Euler: like washing dishes, or bathing regularly :)
Lila Darkmatter: those do seem good ones
Wol Euler: I was so tired last night that I slept in my clothes, without realizing it
Lila Darkmatter: once in a while life does that to us I guess
Wol Euler nods.
Lila Darkmatter: better to wake under the stars in those conditions though
Wol Euler smiles.
Lila Darkmatter: what other good habits are you up to?
Wol Euler: shopping for real food, cooking and eating it
Lila Darkmatter: brilliant!
Wol Euler: competition work is like a long road trip, despite your best intentions after a while you start shovelling junk into yourself
Wol Euler: and I haven't had a proper walk in weeks
Lila Darkmatter: seems great that you are quickly bouncing back... right away wanting to get back into healthy routines
Wol Euler smiles.
Wol Euler: I'm certainly more aware of the effects than I have been in younger years
Lila Darkmatter: I'm a bundle of terrible habits and it is showing dramatically
Wol Euler: you?
Wol Euler: wow
Lila Darkmatter: oh yes
Wol Euler: well, who knows what other people's inner life is like?
Wol Euler: the divorce rate proves that
Lila Darkmatter: have read that you are sitting regularly for instance... that's one thing I need to get back to
Wol Euler nods.
Wol Euler: I have Pema to thank for that, his cruel-to-be-kind bloodymindedness got me into this and got me to stick to it
Lila Darkmatter: true... divorces are cosmic events... some, everything going well and poof and others, everything going badly and go on and on :)
Wol Euler nods.
Lila Darkmatter: ah, thank goodness for Pema
Lila Darkmatter: have been missing timelessness discussions lately
Lila Darkmatter: I remember when I first came to PaB and read those sessions... was glued to the screen
Wol Euler: oh yes, indeed
Wol Euler: wonderful sessions, sadly missed
Wol Euler: and just between you and me, even my sitting this last week has been perfunctory
Wol Euler: even illusory
Wol Euler: I was on the cushion, silent and still, but I was often not "there"
Lila Darkmatter: well that is normal.. you are, 'there'
Lila Darkmatter: even if just the gesture
Lila Darkmatter: seems the hardest part
Lila Darkmatter: what helps you to keep it up?

--BELL--

Lila Darkmatter: I guess I'm asking what Pemas cruel-to-be-kindness formula is
Lila Darkmatter: lol
Wol Euler laughs.
Wol Euler: persistence, mostly
Wol Euler: in such a good-natured and cheerful way
Wol Euler: typically Dutch, I think :)
Wol Euler: always positive, always encouraging, but never letting up for a single moment
Lila Darkmatter: :) he is one of few dutch that I know, so that quality = uniquely pema
Wol Euler: perhaps, I also don't know that many
Wol Euler: and some of them are wishy-washy
Lila Darkmatter: :)
Wol Euler: like many of us
Wol Euler: so perhaps it is him after all
Wol Euler: in any case, his never letting up keeps me from letting myself off the hook
Lila Darkmatter: :) it is very sweet
Wol Euler: indeed, and I am touched and profoundly grateful
Wol Euler: but the fact is, what we started with, is that it has slipped and I need to reconfigure
Lila Darkmatter nods... me too
Lila Darkmatter: yesterday's breakfast memory is not practice
Lila Darkmatter: :)
Wol Euler: :)
Wol Euler: nor is listening to the monkeys telling me that I am a fake and a fraud
Lila Darkmatter: silly monkeys
Wol Euler: I had a bit of an insight, "insight lite", this week when I realized that they are just he same as the boss's 5-yr-old kid
Wol Euler: "I am so important, why aren't you listennig to me!?" they say
Lila Darkmatter: :)
Wol Euler: "waaaah it's so unfair, you are so cruel"
Lila Darkmatter: the thing is, without stopping and getting clear, one can't even really listen
Wol Euler: yep
Lila Darkmatter: I realized lately how much discursiveness I've been entertaining without realizing
Lila Darkmatter: questions upon questions upon questions
Lila Darkmatter: stunning really
Lila Darkmatter: how easily it happens
Lila Darkmatter: and it looks so much like something deeply useful
Lila Darkmatter: :)
Wol Euler: hmmmm
Wol Euler: the illusion of usefulness, yes, that keeps so many things going
Lila Darkmatter: I read the Chronicles interview with Genesis today...
Lila Darkmatter: and I though that in some ways she articulated how I feel lately
Wol Euler listens.
Lila Darkmatter: well she described a time of intensity
Lila Darkmatter: and a kind of back and forth
Lila Darkmatter: then a shift into balance of really appreciating ordinary things
Lila Darkmatter: it was like... phases of PAB
Wol Euler nods.
Lila Darkmatter: then I read Adams... came to Storm's session... on 5th anniversary
Lila Darkmatter: similar sentiment expressed... not attending yet PaB active in all of life
Wol Euler nods thoughtfullly.
Wol Euler: so PaB-Being lives on while PaB-Sessions talk about cats
Wol Euler: I guess that works, though I do miss the Sessions
Lila Darkmatter smiles
Wol Euler: I loved my theme sessions with Pema, I must admit
Wol Euler: the challenge of that, the sudden intense learning that happened
Wol Euler: wow
Lila Darkmatter: well there is lots of *PaB* in the cats too, but yes... there is something in that kindly pushed to the wall feeling
Lila Darkmatter: evoked
Wol Euler: heheheheh, yes
Wol Euler: exactly
Lila Darkmatter: Stim too.. challenging
Lila Darkmatter: tiny noticings
Wol Euler nods.

--BELL--

Lila Darkmatter: wish I were a worthy provoker... would get out my milk bottles
Lila Darkmatter: play as pema
Wol Euler: hahaha!
Wol Euler: kind kindness and gentle encouragement has a place in the world too
Lila Darkmatter: I am having a bit of an insight now... about that "positive" quality, though, that perhaps this is a lot like "timelessness" in that there is *so much* enough time that it becomes silly to scrutinize.. like, supremely generous
Wol Euler ponders. Say more about that?
Lila Darkmatter: well in TSK there is the phrase "the welling up of time"
Lila Darkmatter: Hi Hana :)
Hana Furlough: Hi Wol and Lila!
Lila Darkmatter: and I'm not sure I'm awake enough to do justice to the thought... but would love to go farther with it
Wol Euler: hello hana!
Lila Darkmatter: nice how your dove rests in your lap now :)
Hana Furlough: thanks. i wish she sat a little more comfortable
Wol Euler: edit her :)
Wol Euler: edit the attachment position/angle
Wol Euler: brb
Hana Furlough: ok, will try!
Lila Darkmatter: :) how are you doing Hana?
Hana Furlough: i'm good, and you?
Lila Darkmatter: Hard to describe :) earlier we were talking about getting back into healthy routines after sliding off
Lila Darkmatter: and I'm in a place where I very much must do that
Hana Furlough: ahh i see
Hana Furlough: yes, that is very difficult
Wol Euler nods.
Lila Darkmatter: but otherwise a bit inspired
Wol Euler smiles.
Hana Furlough: oh wow
Hana Furlough: she can be edited!
Wol Euler watches and grins.
Hana Furlough: thanks, wol!
Wol Euler: you just levelled up in SL :)
Hana Furlough: how does this look?
Lila Darkmatter smiles
Lila Darkmatter: far more spacious for the bird :)
Hana Furlough: lol -- yes, after four long years
Hana Furlough: : )
Wol Euler: move her down perhaps so her feet are on your thigh
Lila Darkmatter: Hana has surpassed me in technical SL skill now
Wol Euler: turn your camera and look from the side, would be easier to judge
Lila Darkmatter: :)
Wol Euler: there
Hana Furlough: apollo has landed
Hana Furlough: awesome, thanks
Wol Euler cheers!
Lila Darkmatter giggles

--BELL--

Lila Darkmatter: :)
Hana Furlough: she looks happier
Lila Darkmatter: I agree
Wol Euler smiles.
Hana Furlough: thanks, you two!
Wol Euler: my pleasure
Lila Darkmatter: thanks for including me too, hehe
Hana Furlough: you planted the seed
Lila Darkmatter smiles
Hana Furlough: so it sounds like you were having a fascinating conversation before i came
Wol Euler: we were, actually, yes
Wol Euler: about change and continuity and the place of PaB in our lives
Wol Euler: about cruel kindness and gentle kindness
Lila Darkmatter: nice summation, yes
Hana Furlough: cruel kindness?
Wol Euler: pushy kindness might be a better term
Lila Darkmatter: :)
Wol Euler: "gonna keep on poking at you until you do this thing that is good for you" kindness :)
Hana Furlough: ahh got it
Lila Darkmatter: and knowing when that is actually appropriate
Wol Euler nods.
Lila Darkmatter: crazy wisdom, I guess
Lila Darkmatter: cruel cruelty can just break someone down
Hana Furlough: yes
Lila Darkmatter: I have a long excerpt from Genesis's interview in the Chronicles... which inspired me today
Lila Darkmatter: can try to post it... hope not overwhelming
Lila Darkmatter: It is: genesis Zhangsun: it was as I said earlier mysterious and mystical genesis Zhangsun: the experience of becoming a part of PaB genesis Zhangsun: I knew that something had happened to me genesis Zhangsun: the way I saw the world had dramatically changed genesis Zhangsun: and I was seeking others who could help me understand what had happened genesis Zhangsun: it was thrilling genesis Zhangsun: I felt like I had fallen down the rabbit hole genesis Zhangsun: Alice in Wonderland Adams Rubble: :) genesis Zhangsun: there was almost a high about the whole thing genesis Zhangsun: which had to end for me genesis Zhangsun: and I knew it the whole time I was riding it genesis Zhangsun: there were various points through the year where the feeling of bliss returned genesis Zhangsun: but never like in the beginning genesis Zhangsun: I sort of yearned for that bliss genesis Zhangsun: spent a long time grasping for it genesis Zhangsun: until I realized I could never return to it by grasping Adams Rubble nods genesis

Lila Darkmatter: Zhangsun: and so slowly I learned how to let go genesis Zhangsun: and then something more real started to emerge genesis Zhangsun: nothing as exciting but closer to what was really going on genesis Zhangsun: who I really am genesis Zhangsun: which had nothing to do with that bliss genesis Zhangsun: or everything to do with it :)
Hana Furlough: interesting
Wol Euler smiles.
Lila Darkmatter: I would guess that not just with PaB but other types of practice, people could relate to these openings
Wol Euler: thanks, lila
Hana Furlough: yes, thank you
Lila Darkmatter: most welcome... was like a hand reaching through a wormhole with a letter for me today
Wol Euler: lovely image :)
Lila Darkmatter: guess I went on a pilgrimage ;-)
Hana Furlough: : )
Lila Darkmatter: Hana will you make notes if you do that? (obviously read the session with interest) :))
Wol Euler: hehehe
Hana Furlough: ahh was wondering about that
Wol Euler: oh, I guess that means you posted it for me :(
Hana Furlough: sure!
Lila Darkmatter: yes I did, gratefully because I got to read such nice sessions
Wol Euler: thank you, but damn I'm sorry that I havent been pulling my weight :(
Hana Furlough: it's okay, wol, you've been busy
Lila Darkmatter: yes
Lila Darkmatter: and I was feeling physically bad, to be honest, so time in bed... was something wonderful to do
Wol Euler nods.
Wol Euler: well, thank you very much
Lila Darkmatter: here is the link to that interview btw, and then I should probably try to sleep again
Lila Darkmatter: https://wiki.playasbeing.org/Chronicles/Chapter_04%3a_The_First_Months/C._Genesis
Lila Darkmatter: millions of thanks, for being here
Wol Euler: my pleasure, and thank you so much for coming, lila
Wol Euler: sleep well

--BELL--

Hana Furlough: bye, lila!
Wol Euler: how's a hana?
Hana Furlough: good, good
Hana Furlough: are you recovering?
Wol Euler: early times yet :) but I did sleep longer last night than in nearly two weeks
Hana Furlough: oh good
Wol Euler smiles.
Hana Furlough: that must have been so stressful
Wol Euler: well, yes :)
Wol Euler: not just the hours, tiring though they were
Wol Euler: the atmosphere got really nasty towards the end
Hana Furlough: oh yeah, that happens
Hana Furlough: it's hard when everyone is really in the thick of it
Wol Euler nods.
Wol Euler: it turned out well, I am pleased with the project (which is not always the case, to be honest)
Hana Furlough: great!
Hana Furlough: i shall cross my fingers, then
Wol Euler: thank you :)
Wol Euler: the results will be known in three weeks, which is surprisingly soon
Wol Euler: only two days after the models are due to be handed in
Hana Furlough: oh great!
Hana Furlough: then not too long to wait
Wol Euler nods.
Wol Euler: okay, time for me to wash and eat and go out to Do Stuff.
Hana Furlough: all right
Hana Furlough: enjoy the day, and nice chatting
Wol Euler: you too! take care, hana