2013.07.22 19:00 - Pauses and silence

The Guardian for this meeting was Aphrodite Macbain. The comments are by Aphrodite Macbain.

Korel Laloix: Heya
Aphrodite Macbain: Hi Korel!
Korel Laloix smiles.. good to see you.
Aphrodite Macbain: smiles back- It's so nice that you are here on Monday evenings.
Korel Laloix: My work load in my class is a lot less than I thought it would be.
Aphrodite Macbain: Nice discovery
Korel Laloix: SO I have the opportuntiy.... but I am not sure about next semester.
Aphrodite Macbain: Which class is this? Statistics?
Korel Laloix: I don't think I am going to be able to get all of my classes in a block.
Korel Laloix: Applied Epidemiology essentially.
Aphrodite Macbain: so they will be spread out over the year?
Korel Laloix: Field work and the like.
Korel Laloix: How emergent disease is cataloged, researched and eventually cured... hopefully.
Aphrodite Macbain: "Epidemiology: The branch of medicine that deals with the incidence, distribution, and control of diseases."
Korel Laloix: yes.
Korel Laloix: But a lot more broad than I expected...
Aphrodite Macbain: On What kinds of diseases will you be doing field work on?
Korel Laloix: Plant disease... industrial causes.. cultural factors, etc.
Aphrodite Macbain: Ah right. I remember your telling me
Korel Laloix: If this job actually works out in March, i will be collecting field samples of plant disease.
Aphrodite Macbain: So when you go out in the field, do you really go out in the field? :-)
Korel Laloix: But still not sure what I want to do next...
Korel Laloix: In this case.. smiles.. yes...
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Korel Laloix: Crops are the real focus.
Aphrodite Macbain: Where?
Korel Laloix: So I am reading up on the topic when I don't have homework.
Aphrodite Macbain: good for you
Korel Laloix: North Tx, OK and most of Kansas evidently.
Aphrodite Macbain: quite a spread
Aphrodite Macbain: What kinds of crops grow in those areas?
Korel Laloix: Not sure the total variety.
Aphrodite Macbain: Corn? Wheat? Vegetables?
Korel Laloix: But wheat, cotton, corn, safflower, rapeseed, cabbage, alfapha, etc.
Aphrodite Macbain: cabbage! :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: are they all GMO   now?
Korel Laloix: No idea.. but that is one thing I am reading up on.
Aphrodite Macbain: Yes- well, I imagine that it will be the results of your findings. Modifying plants so they thrive
Korel Laloix: The instance of disease outbreaks is more common on organics in some areas.... or so I have read.. but a lot of data that I am really unfamiliar with.
Aphrodite Macbain: Interesting stuff and very important to the earth's survival in a warming planet
Korel Laloix: I am not sure about direction.... this is in support of a research grant... but I don't know who  is funding it at the top... but I am reading up on that as well.
Aphrodite Macbain: I'd be interested in learning what you find out
Korel Laloix: The planet has been much much warmer before... but not with 7 billion humans on it at the time though.
Korel Laloix:

I would as well.. I will want to see the reserach designs for the samples I take...But still sort of in the dark about some parts.. which worries me.. but..... I will make the best of it

Aphrodite Macbain: I'm sure you will

Aphrodite Macbain: The suggested theme for this week is Time as it shows up in the 90 second pause...

Korel Laloix: I know.. smiles... I really don't use the pauses for their intended function.
Korel Laloix: And I am not sure they are functional either... but that is just my opinion.
Aphrodite Macbain: What is your perception of time during the pauses?
Aphrodite Macbain: Does it go too slowly or does it give you a chance to relax or rethink?
Korel Laloix: Well.. smiles.. I usually do something like get a snack or pee... so they go quicker than I want.
Aphrodite Macbain: :/

Aphrodite Macbain: I find that if there is a focus on what is happening during that 90 minutes, I tend to pay attention if we are directed to do something or drop something. Otherwise I wait and see - somewhat impatiently or I IM someone

Korel Laloix: I think the pauses can hinder the momentum sometimes which can be counterproductive.
Aphrodite Macbain: nods
Korel Laloix: I have never bought into the idea of dropping though.. so I dropped the dropping.. smiles
Aphrodite Macbain: I think they are intended to encourage us to relinquish the position we are taking- only for a moment
Korel Laloix: And that can be a good thing.
Korel Laloix: A refocus and reapproach on some thing is good if you are working out an issue.
Aphrodite Macbain: yes - the sort of "count to ten" process to blunt the overly emotional reaction

Aphrodite Macbain: Some people often try to be right rather than try to find the truth

Korel Laloix: But I don't think most of our chats are alnog those lines.

Aphrodite Macbain: no - mostly they are chit chat.
Korel Laloix: So sometimes it is appropriate.
Aphrodite Macbain: But I imagine that when Pema proposed this method, it was meant to be applied  within the context of some deep, complex and emotional discussion about being
Korel Laloix: But I do like the sort of rhythm that it gives our times here.
Korel Laloix: Nice break points to step out gracefully.
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: yes
Korel Laloix: I disagree with a large amount of the common thought patterns here... and the 90 second thing is one of them.
Aphrodite Macbain: Have you been at some interesting discussions recently? I am often sad to miss the 1pm Monday discussion.  But I think you were here
Korel Laloix: But.... just becuase I don't think they are functional as intended does not mean I think they don't have a function.
Korel Laloix: My brain is not pulling it up at the moment... sorry.  Oh yes... smiles, was on the phone with Reeba the whole time.. so I don't remember much of it.
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)

Aphrodite Macbain: What would their function be for you?
Aphrodite Macbain: these pauses
Korel Laloix: Well, as I mentioned, natural pauses and a time to leave.
Aphrodite Macbain: Yes.
Korel Laloix: But I also have used them to compose my thoughts in English on something I wanted to say.
Aphrodite Macbain: and four opportunities to get a snack
Korel Laloix: Or IM someone a point I did not want to say in open chat.
Korel Laloix: That happens a bit with me acutally.
Korel Laloix: And pee... smiles
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Korel Laloix: The important things in life...

Aphrodite Macbain: Do you not normally speak in English?
Korel Laloix: No.. English is my primary language.. but there are areas that I just have never had a conversation in.. so it can be difficult to put my thoughts together.
Aphrodite Macbain: I think we all feel experience that
Korel Laloix: Not just a matter of vocabulary... but forming the concepts.. if that makes sense.
Aphrodite Macbain: yes very much
Korel Laloix: How about you?.. what do you use them for?
Aphrodite Macbain: thinking things through
Aphrodite Macbain: Deciding at the key points as clearly as possible
Aphrodite Macbain: I also use them to cool down when I'm feeling competitive or angry; or to think somehting through the way you do, or just simply relax
Korel Laloix: THere have been moments that I have been deeply offended here and felt I had to make a poinht.. and I probably used them for that.. to think of my response.
Aphrodite Macbain: I find I can get bombarded by IMs and I try and answer them all - thereby making all sorts of mistakes
Aphrodite Macbain: You are always very clear and thoughtful when you disagree with someone.
Aphrodite Macbain: I find I can never get angry with you even when I disagree :-)
Korel Laloix: i try to be.... thank you.. but I am aware that my point of view is very different from most here.
Korel Laloix: Darn.. I will try harder next time... smiles
Aphrodite Macbain: I'm sorry you feel that way.
Korel Laloix: Why?
Aphrodite Macbain: - that you feel different from most of us here
Korel Laloix: Well.. I am different... smiles
Aphrodite Macbain: It must make you feel like an outsider
Korel Laloix: It did at first.. but not now.
Aphrodite Macbain: We are all different, but in different ways
Korel Laloix: True... but I am the only First American here.. and not many minorities really.
Aphrodite Macbain: Minorities...?
Korel Laloix: And I might be the only overt non-straight person.. but the subject really does not come up often.
Korel Laloix: Not sure there is anyone else in mid twenties either.....
Aphrodite Macbain: Xiri is the only Spanish person here, I think; and Qt the only Italian
Korel Laloix: So..... I just have to recognize that I have different ways of looking at things and ways of communicating.
Korel Laloix: Yes... smiles
Aphrodite Macbain: I think I'm the oldest person here. Sigh

Korel Laloix: No idea really of all the demographics.
Aphrodite Macbain: and I know that there is more than on gay person here
Korel Laloix: But I don't mind being different or the only... I live my life like that a lot.
Aphrodite Macbain: I would prefer to be different than the same as everyone
Korel Laloix: But my views do annoy some for sure.
Aphrodite Macbain: You just express them
Korel Laloix: Sometimes it does get old..
Korel Laloix: And there is still discrimination in RL and SL.
Aphrodite Macbain: I would bet there are people who feel as you do about some things but dont say anything
Korel Laloix: Could be.
Korel Laloix: But I guess the point is.. I feel different.. because I am.. smiles.. so I don't mind.
Aphrodite Macbain: good :-)
Korel Laloix: Thank you for your concern though...
Aphrodite Macbain: When you are in RL do you speak out?
Korel Laloix: More than I should... smiles
Aphrodite Macbain: or does it depend on the group
Korel Laloix: One of my shrinks called me "pathologically aggressive"
Korel Laloix: And that is about right...
Korel Laloix: lol
Aphrodite Macbain: I have found as I have grown older that I am comfortable saying things I wouldn't have said 20 years ago
Korel Laloix: I can imagine that transformation...
Aphrodite Macbain: and have less patience with fools!
Aphrodite Macbain: (or those whom I call fools)
Korel Laloix: I just grew up with no say in anything... so I guess I probably take advantage now.
Aphrodite Macbain: making up for it...
Korel Laloix: Compensating.. as my shrink says... smiles
Aphrodite Macbain: You "found your voice"
Korel Laloix: OH yes I did...
Aphrodite Macbain: and are obviously much more self confident than before
Korel Laloix: And it is an annoying voice to many for sure.
Aphrodite Macbain: "annoying woman" :-)
Korel Laloix: I just adopted the title after it was said a few too many times... grins
Aphrodite Macbain: Sometimes I feel I can say things first so that others feel they can then say difficult stuff as well
Aphrodite Macbain: Waiting for someone to speak out first..was what I did.  Now I fel ok speaking out first
Korel Laloix: Glad there is a pause coming.. one of my regular uses of the time is becoming a need at the moment... smiles
Korel Laloix: I tend to speak out first and often...
Korel Laloix: Never been accused of being shy.
Aphrodite Macbain: However I'm not always right or coherent!
Korel Laloix: Me neither.. smiles
Korel Laloix: More fun that way though.
Aphrodite Macbain: lol
Aphrodite Macbain: for whom?

Korel Laloix smiles.... much better
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Korel Laloix: So what did you do with your 90 secs?
Aphrodite Macbain: same as you!
Korel Laloix smiles
Korel Laloix: On a related note.......
Aphrodite Macbain: Drinking wine does that to me
Aphrodite Macbain: listens...
Korel Laloix: Ooo. what you having?
Aphrodite Macbain: Pinot grigio
Aphrodite Macbain: from Hungary!!
Korel Laloix: There is a certain value in sitting alone with someone you have a connection with in silence.
Korel Laloix: Sounds lovely.
Aphrodite Macbain: yes
Korel Laloix: More RL than in here though.
Aphrodite Macbain: Meditating in a group is really nice
Aphrodite Macbain: RL and SL
Aphrodite Macbain: Every monday I do it with Cal and darren and Bruce and Zen and druth
Korel Laloix: A couple of weeks ago I noticed reading with Reeba on the sofa for about two hours that neither of us had said a word.
Aphrodite Macbain: cool
Aphrodite Macbain: companionable silence.
Aphrodite Macbain: We dont always need to use words
Korel Laloix: Just sat there with our legs intertwined in our own little worlds... it was lovely
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: sounds lovely
Korel Laloix: It was....
Korel Laloix: And listening to cello music.. which is growing on me.

Korel Laloix: Much better reading music than drumming..
Aphrodite Macbain: I often thought that old people had run out of things to say to each other when I saw them eating together in silence in a restaurant.
Aphrodite Macbain: now I realize it was very comfortable being together without speaking
Korel Laloix: I know what you mean... but I am uncomfortable with silence over a meal.
Aphrodite Macbain: the cello is my favourite instrument
Korel Laloix: I just chatter away.. probably annoying everyone around me.
Korel Laloix: Reeba used to play.
Aphrodite Macbain: I am going to a silent retreat in 2 weeks - 4 days together saying nothing!
Korel Laloix: So she likes it of course.
Korel Laloix: I am not sure I could do that with strangers.
Aphrodite Macbain: Perhaps it's easier with strangers
Aphrodite Macbain: I'll let yu know
Korel Laloix: But Reeba and I are going camping for a week or so after this class is done... maybe we can do a quiet day.
Korel Laloix: Interesting thought.
Korel Laloix: yes, please let me know.
Aphrodite Macbain: I hope so - it would be nice sharing the landscape with eachother

Korel Laloix: That is the part I really love.
Korel Laloix: A nice place you are going to?
Aphrodite Macbain: To the Zen Centre here in Vancouver
Korel Laloix: Oh OK.. sounds lovely...will have a look.
Aphrodite Macbain: Nice people there
Aphrodite Macbain: I think I told you I went in the spring

Korel Laloix: Yes, you mentioned that.

Korel Laloix: Not sure where we are going.. maybe one of the National grasslands.. but Reeba was talking about some friends of her parents that have a place up on Colorado.
Aphrodite Macbain: where in Colorado?
Korel Laloix: I have been to a handfull of retreats...
Aphrodite Macbain: oh?
Korel Laloix: Really good expereinces I think.
Korel Laloix: Not sure...
Korel Laloix: In the ountains though.
Aphrodite Macbain: will be beautiful
Aphrodite Macbain: hope it doesnt rain
Korel Laloix: When I was really looking at becoming a nun, I went to a couple of vocational retreats.
Aphrodite Macbain: what did you do?
Korel Laloix: And a couple through my church congrications.
Korel Laloix: It was interesting... lots of silence...
Aphrodite Macbain: pray? sing? discuss issues?
Korel Laloix: Yes...
Korel Laloix: Study, read, chat, charity work of course.
Korel Laloix: Loved it.

Aphrodite Macbain: I talk more in SL than I do in RL
Korel Laloix: I think about the same for me.
Aphrodite Macbain: I'm used to not saying a word to anyone all day
Korel Laloix: But I can be a fast typest if I pay attention.
Aphrodite Macbain: :-0
Korel Laloix smiles
Korel Laloix: I am a chatter box RL.. or so I have been told...
Aphrodite Macbain: wonder if it's clearer  for others if you type slowly
Korel Laloix: I make less mistakes for sure.
Aphrodite Macbain: wonder
Aphrodite Macbain: if
Aphrodite Macbain: it's
Aphrodite Macbain: clearer
Aphrodite Macbain: if
Aphrodite Macbain: you
Aphrodite Macbain: type
Aphrodite Macbain: slowly
Korel Laloix: Not
Korel Laloix: like
Korel Laloix: that
Korel Laloix: I
Korel Laloix: Don't
Korel Laloix: Think
Aphrodite Macbain: lol
Korel Laloix smiles
Aphrodite Macbain: some people do type like that
Aphrodite Macbain: say a phrase
Aphrodite Macbain: at a time
Korel Laloix: Sort of like Chinese though right?.. up and down not left to right.
Aphrodite Macbain: right!
Aphrodite Macbain: or left)

Aphrodite Macbain: Time for me to check on dinner that has been slowly cooking for 1.5 hrs
Aphrodite Macbain: namaste
Aphrodite Macbain: Byee- great talking to you. The time flew!
Aphrodite Macbain: you ok?
Korel Laloix: Cia
Aphrodite Macbain: o
Korel Laloix: Just had some IMs..
Korel Laloix: Take care.