2008.07.29 19:00 - Big decisions, the heart, and Being

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    The Guardian for this meeting was Sylectra Darwin, who also provided the comments.

    Adelene was already seated when I walked up. She was covered in brilliant purple and pink feathers.

    Adelene Dawner: hi
    Sylectra Darwin: How are you?
    Adelene Dawner is extricating herself from a gluey craft project, one moment
    Sylectra Darwin: It's alright, I have wardrobe issues.

    Genesis popped in then, followed by Doug.

    genesis Zhangsun: Hi Sylectra
    Sylectra Darwin: Hi Genesis!
    genesis Zhangsun: Hi Adelene
    Sylectra Darwin: How are you, Doug?
    genesis Zhangsun: Hi Doug
    Adelene Dawner: ...ok, good, nothing's glued to anything it shouldn't be, including me, and the glue jar is closed. I'm here now.
    doug Sosa: hi.
    Sylectra Darwin: Adelene I love your feathers!
    Adelene Dawner: Thanks ^.^

    Steve joined us next.

    genesis Zhangsun: Hey Steve
    doug Sosa: fine, thanks. burping from dinner.
    Sylectra Darwin: Steven...smile
    Sylectra Darwin: Welcome
    stevenaia Michinaga: hello all, pardon me while I rezz a moment so I don't sit on someone
    Sylectra Darwin: Steven, you're looking a little gray today, haha
    stevenaia Michinaga: better gray than Ruthed

    (note: “ruthed” refers to the avatar reverting to a default female form with no fancy customizations, affectionately known as Ruth. The new release of the Second Life client makes avatars appear as glowing fog instead of Ruth, if they haven’t rezzed yet.)

    Sylectra Darwin: Adelene, do you mind if I take your picture?
    Sylectra Darwin: I hear that's a thing of the past.
    Adelene Dawner: Go ahead. Would you like me to stand up and put my AO on?
    Sylectra Darwin: No, I take them sitting down mostly
    Sylectra Darwin: But thank you.
    Adelene Dawner: ^.^
    Sylectra Darwin: I assume you're a guardian?
    Adelene Dawner: Newly, yes. I'm not in the SL group yet.
    Sylectra Darwin: Welcome.
    Adelene Dawner: Thanks ^.^
    Sylectra Darwin: You're good at checking the schedule :)
    Sylectra Darwin: hehe
    Adelene Dawner chuckles.

    I was referring to the fact that right at 7 p.m. sharp, Adelene “poked” me in IM to remind me of the time!

    Sylectra Darwin: Got it, thank you
    Adelene Dawner: :)
    doug Sosa: wow
    Adelene Dawner: ^.^

    A companionable silence ensued.

    Adelene Dawner: So...
    Sylectra Darwin: How is everyone today?
    genesis Zhangsun: Wonderful that we can enjoy the silence together
    Sylectra Darwin: It's a beautiful space.
    stevenaia Michinaga: I am slightly distracted tonight but will try to do the 9 sec at the chim
    genesis Zhangsun: why distracted Steve?
    stevenaia Michinaga: RL distractions, end of month paperwork, in a moment I will find this group far more interesting than that, so I may refocus shortly
    Sylectra Darwin: Oh good, Steven.

    Genesis had an amazing experience to share with the group.

    genesis Zhangsun: I am also feeling distracted...ummm maybe not the right word
    genesis Zhangsun: I am a little overwhelmed
    genesis Zhangsun: I made a very big decision today
    stevenaia Michinaga: I would love to hear
    genesis Zhangsun: I woke up this morning feeling completely still
    genesis Zhangsun: a feeling of complete eternity
    genesis Zhangsun: I then went to go take an important exam
    genesis Zhangsun: one that I thought was the most important thing in my whole life
    genesis Zhangsun: and in the middle of the exam
    genesis Zhangsun: in complete calm
    genesis Zhangsun: I walked out
    genesis Zhangsun: not out of fear
    genesis Zhangsun: but the opposite
    genesis Zhangsun: I found for the first time I was without fear
    genesis Zhangsun: in facing my path
    genesis Zhangsun: and realized
    genesis Zhangsun: that I had no love for what I was doing
    genesis Zhangsun: without fear driving me
    genesis Zhangsun: I walked out
    Sylectra Darwin: That's amazing.
    Adelene Dawner: Yes.
    stevenaia Michinaga: sounds like a perfect start
    genesis Zhangsun: are you here now Steve ;)
    stevenaia Michinaga: yes....smile
    Sylectra Darwin: It's amazing how quickly we can make a big change.
    doug Sosa: walking out into?
    genesis Zhangsun: yes doug I think so
    genesis Zhangsun: walking into a new phase
    genesis Zhangsun: one where I don't let fear and attachment to old illusions trap me
    genesis Zhangsun: well I will try anyway
    genesis Zhangsun: :)
    Adelene Dawner: :)
    Sylectra Darwin: I have chills!
    genesis Zhangsun: thanks for letting me share
    genesis Zhangsun: I have not told many people in RL
    doug Sosa: anything we can do to help now that you are out?
    genesis Zhangsun: just your presence doug :)
    stevenaia Michinaga: sometimes having a reference example on how to do that makes it easier to leave fear (and other things) next time
    genesis Zhangsun: its nice just to talk about it
    doug Sosa: done, doing, being.. Play.
    stevenaia Michinaga: I often look back at my examples, and say not that, and let go to whatever is was and move back into my happy state
    stevenaia Michinaga: in the snap of my fingers
    Sylectra Darwin: I guess it is really that easy, if we choose for it to be.
    Adelene Dawner: mm-hmm ^.^

    The discussion takes a turn into the inner perceptions that cause us to be motivated to make a change. Distinctions are made between thinking and feeling, the mind and the heart.

    genesis Zhangsun: feeling something leaves a memory that you never forget
    genesis Zhangsun: ideas, information, words those things we forget
    genesis Zhangsun: but the things that tug at your heart or open your heart you never forget
    Sylectra Darwin: Genesis, would you say this is the connection of the heart, that helps us be more clear about what we want?
    genesis Zhangsun: sorry oh yes Sylectra the heart doesn't lie
    genesis Zhangsun: I looked into my heart for two hours after I stopped the exam
    genesis Zhangsun: in the middle of over a thousand people typing feriously
    genesis Zhangsun: it felt like eternity
    genesis Zhangsun: to me it was
    Sylectra Darwin: A moment of clarity.
    genesis Zhangsun: and I let my heart speak to me
    genesis Zhangsun: in the middle of all that pressure
    genesis Zhangsun: so loud and clear
    genesis Zhangsun: I heard it
    genesis Zhangsun: I felt there was no other choice
    genesis Zhangsun: so I sat in a trance silent and in awe for two hours while others took the exam
    genesis Zhangsun: just smiling
    genesis Zhangsun: I felt so crazy
    genesis Zhangsun: :)
    Sylectra Darwin: smiles
    Sylectra Darwin: wonderful

    Decisions which alter our life course can also cause us to mourn for what might have been behind door #1.

    genesis Zhangsun: I feel both so happy and so deeply sad
    genesis Zhangsun: I let someone, something to which I was dearly attached die today
    genesis Zhangsun: I was in love with the idea
    genesis Zhangsun: but not with the thing itself
    doug Sosa: Does 'Genesis" anticipate this move? Was the choice of the name part of the same decision, a kind of anticipation?
    Sylectra Darwin: smiles
    genesis Zhangsun: :)
    genesis Zhangsun: looking back there are many signs
    genesis Zhangsun: I've spent some time reading things I have written in the past few years
    genesis Zhangsun: it is amazing how they all point to this moment
    genesis Zhangsun: which makes me know in a different way that it was right

    On the principle of right action and how it merges with clarity of intention.

    Sylectra Darwin: I think it's rare for us to have those moments when we connect with the heart.
    Sylectra Darwin: ..and kind of scary to actually face the message being given.
    Sylectra Darwin: My mother was very into native american wisdom, especially the lessons of the totem animals.
    Sylectra Darwin: She talked about the antelope.
    Adelene Dawner: ?!
    Sylectra Darwin: Which symbolizes right action, the thing you do when you listen to your heart.
    Sylectra Darwin: I think about that a lot now - making a connection between the heart and the actions.
    Sylectra Darwin: antelope energy.
    Sylectra Darwin: My heart told me this year that it was time to leave my home town, my job, and my spouse of 8 years.
    genesis Zhangsun: hmm yes Sylectra I think it is wise
    genesis Zhangsun: wow yes that is a big decision!
    Sylectra Darwin: Very. I am also in awe of having come to terms with that decision. It's like for a moment, you step out of the way and something else entirely takes over.
    genesis Zhangsun: being?

    The group’s consensus was that PaB and other practices can help us understand our hearts better and know what to do.

    Sylectra Darwin: Do you think the PaB practice, and meditation in general, help you to see your truth more clearly?
    genesis Zhangsun: Oh yes there is a direct connect
    genesis Zhangsun: I actually met Pema in RL for coffee
    genesis Zhangsun: I had the realization of eternity
    genesis Zhangsun: then
    genesis Zhangsun: I went to sleep
    genesis Zhangsun: woke up
    genesis Zhangsun: and made this decision
    Sylectra Darwin: Wow, Genesis.
    genesis Zhangsun: oh yes there is a direct connection to PaB
    genesis Zhangsun: as direct as you can get
    genesis Zhangsun: I was amazed by what happened yesterday
    genesis Zhangsun: it was what gave me the courage to do what I did this morning
    genesis Zhangsun: I felt like something bloomed in my eyes
    genesis Zhangsun: in my mind
    genesis Zhangsun: I am not kidding when I talk about eternity
    genesis Zhangsun: time truly stopped
    genesis Zhangsun: things moved in waves
    Sylectra Darwin: I am curious...
    Sylectra Darwin: Did you meditate or do any practice yesterday or today?
    genesis Zhangsun: I am engaged in the 9 second practice about 6-7 hours a day
    genesis Zhangsun: although that became irrelgular during last week
    genesis Zhangsun: and up until last week I started doing a 1 hour meditation about 10 weeks ago
    Sylectra Darwin: 1 hour daily meditation?
    genesis Zhangsun: yes
    genesis Zhangsun: sounds a little intense :)
    genesis Zhangsun: but I felt I needed it
    Sylectra Darwin: Sounds like it served its purpose! :)
    Sylectra Darwin: I wish I could say I was more regular with my practice, but it's very hit or miss.
    Sylectra Darwin: Perhaps I should try to make it more regular, and see what I learn from my heart.

    The discussion turned to questions about the source of our moment of decision after we know our heart’s intention.

    genesis Zhangsun: for me
    genesis Zhangsun: its more than the heart
    doug Sosa: I must leave....adieu.
    Sylectra Darwin: OK Doug, bye
    genesis Zhangsun: the heart gives me the motivation but it is something else that gives me the courage
    genesis Zhangsun: bye doug
    Sylectra Darwin: Tell me more about that...
    genesis Zhangsun: it was my heart that whispered
    genesis Zhangsun: but I felt like it was being that made me sit there in the stillness with the decision
    stevenaia Michinaga: I was thinking about what you call courage, and was about to equate it to stillness, but you already did
    genesis Zhangsun: :)
    Sylectra Darwin: How do courage and stillness relate?
    genesis Zhangsun: to be firm you must be still
    stevenaia Michinaga: the time to make a decision is in stillness, the refection of the action is courage
    stevenaia Michinaga: almost like the smoke trail of the decision
    stevenaia Michinaga: that is courage
    Sylectra Darwin: But where does the energy for change come from, after the moment of clarity?
    genesis Zhangsun: hard to say in a way which came first
    Sylectra Darwin: smiles
    genesis Zhangsun: it was the chorus
    genesis Zhangsun: it came from beyond me
    genesis Zhangsun: that is what I know
    genesis Zhangsun: because the easier thing for Gen to do would have been to keep going
    Sylectra Darwin: Is it a kind of encouragement? Or would you describe it as an urgent feeling?
    genesis Zhangsun: but something beyond just Gen held me down
    genesis Zhangsun: or maybe not down but with a strong grip
    genesis Zhangsun: both
    Sylectra Darwin: putting your feet to the fire, so to speak...
    genesis Zhangsun: I felt magnetized
    genesis Zhangsun: there was no where to go
    Sylectra Darwin: Would you all say that there is sort of a feeling of helplessness in the grip of such a force?
    stevenaia Michinaga: energy that comes from within is very powerful, usually bringing big smiles along with it
    Adelene Dawner is practicing keeping her beak shut and listening.
    genesis Zhangsun: yes helpless but in a pleasant way like a child with its mother
    genesis Zhangsun: helpless and nurtured at the same time
    Sylectra Darwin: Like a boat in a strong current?
    genesis Zhangsun: content to be helpless
    Sylectra Darwin: Like a lady in a couples dance.

    This conversation had me wondering about the difference between surrendering and letting go, so I asked.

    Sylectra Darwin: This is in a way about surrender.
    stevenaia Michinaga: surrendering or letting go?
    Sylectra Darwin: Are they the same?
    stevenaia Michinaga: ...wonders
    Sylectra Darwin: I am thinking that letting go is something like making it okay to say goodbye to something which no longer works in your life.
    stevenaia Michinaga: both decisions with the same result
    Sylectra Darwin: And that surrendering is more powerful...maybe it's about listening to Being and doing it without letting the inner Editor stop you.
    genesis Zhangsun: i would take away the letting in letting go
    genesis Zhangsun: it was already going
    genesis Zhangsun: a long time ago
    Sylectra Darwin: smiles
    genesis Zhangsun: you just saw it
    Sylectra Darwin: laughs
    Sylectra Darwin: delightful.
    genesis Zhangsun: :)
    Sylectra Darwin: Maybe they are the same, and it's just semantics separating the two.
    Sylectra Darwin: In yoga, the concept of surrender is very important.

    Holding onto the duality of contrasts can help clarify a decision, the group seemed to be saying.

    Adelene Dawner: Letting go of the Self, but keeping the Self at the same time... another level of duality confronted.
    Sylectra Darwin: holding two points of view at once...
    genesis Zhangsun: yes absolutely!
    genesis Zhangsun: this was what i found so powerful
    genesis Zhangsun: about this morning
    genesis Zhangsun: confronting the duality
    genesis Zhangsun: in order to pass my exam I had to fail
    Sylectra Darwin: A very short time ago, Genesis, I would not have been able to accept what you are saying as valid.
    Sylectra Darwin: But I totally get it now.
    genesis Zhangsun: In order to preserve my self I had to let go of myself
    genesis Zhangsun: as Adelene said so aptly
    Sylectra Darwin: beautiful.
    genesis Zhangsun: Neither could have I Sylectra!
    Sylectra Darwin: smiles

    Duality brings up thoughts of the group’s recent discussions and work on seeing as Being

    Sylectra Darwin: I am surprised to hear the mention of the duality of points of view.
    Sylectra Darwin: I didn't think this was related to the new concept being discussed in PaB and by Pema...
    Sylectra Darwin: Of Play as Seeing as Being?
    Sylectra Darwin: Did I say that correctly?
    genesis Zhangsun: yes say more about that
    genesis Zhangsun: what is your experience with this?
    Sylectra Darwin: I wish I could say I have had experience with it.
    Sylectra Darwin: I have tried it, and I think if I keep working at it I will see it.
    Sylectra Darwin: Storm talked about it at length
    Sylectra Darwin: And Maxine, I think.
    Sylectra Darwin: It involves first seeing through your normal eyes, from your point of view.
    Sylectra Darwin: You don't see in 360 degrees, you don't see yourself, correct?
    Sylectra Darwin: Then by conscious effort, you try to see as Being.
    Sylectra Darwin: Your focus shifts to everything at once, including you. You are not the center of the focus anymore.
    Sylectra Darwin: For a novice like me, I think it would take a lot of practice to really break through on this concept. Everyone will have a different experience
    genesis Zhangsun: I felt very much within this perspective that being had entered
    genesis Zhangsun: I was not reflected on these things
    genesis Zhangsun: which I mention now
    genesis Zhangsun: at the moment
    genesis Zhangsun: I felt that something had taken over
    Adelene Dawner: All you need is to believe that you can, Selectra. It's really not that hard. It just looks like it *should* be.
    genesis Zhangsun: and without any consicous effort
    genesis Zhangsun: it started yesterday for me
    genesis Zhangsun: I felt as though being bloomed from within me
    Sylectra Darwin: smiles
    Sylectra Darwin: I like that - bloomed.
    Sylectra Darwin: What color do you visualize?
    genesis Zhangsun: it is less a vision then a feeling
    genesis Zhangsun: a texture
    genesis Zhangsun: as though my brain expanded
    genesis Zhangsun: sounds preposterous I know!
    genesis Zhangsun: but that is the only way I can explain it
    Sylectra Darwin: Not at all - sounds incredible.
    genesis Zhangsun: I agree Adelene it is not about believing
    genesis Zhangsun: it is about being
    genesis Zhangsun: and sometimes you have to believe to be
    genesis Zhangsun: but that it the finger pointing at the moon
    genesis Zhangsun: belief gets you in the right direction
    Adelene Dawner: Maybe a better wording is that you have to stop believing that you can't. ^.^
    genesis Zhangsun: yes certainly that is a big step
    Sylectra Darwin: Very nicely said.
    Sylectra Darwin: I think that's very encouraging for the rest of us.
    Adelene Dawner: :)
    stevenaia Michinaga: I must get back to Rl, thank you all
    genesis Zhangsun: thank you Steve!
    Sylectra Darwin: kk, night, Steven
    Adelene Dawner: cya Steve
    stevenaia Michinaga: night
    stevenaia Michinaga: night to meet you genesis, and good luck
    genesis Zhangsun: thanks steve
    genesis Zhangsun: nice to meet you too
    Sylectra Darwin: :)
    Sylectra Darwin: Well I want to thank you for those lovely insights.
    genesis Zhangsun: thank you for your insights
    Adelene Dawner: ^.^
    genesis Zhangsun: I hope i did not dominate
    genesis Zhangsun: the conversation
    genesis Zhangsun: I am just bubbling over with all this
    Sylectra Darwin: Not at all - we don't follow a script here.
    Sylectra Darwin: Good for you.
    Adelene Dawner: No worries, Gen. Just Be. :)
    Sylectra Darwin: Just Be. I like it. LOL
    genesis Zhangsun: :)
    Sylectra Darwin: Well unfortunately I have another appointment.
    Sylectra Darwin: I will save the chat log.
    genesis Zhangsun: bye sylectra
    Adelene Dawner knows what she's decoupaging onto a box to give to Pema when she meets him, now (don't put that in the log!) ^.^
    genesis Zhangsun: yes ok
    Sylectra Darwin: awww
    Sylectra Darwin: I hope to meet Pema soon too.
    genesis Zhangsun: yes get prepared Adelene
    Sylectra Darwin: Wouldn't it be nice for us all to meet?
    genesis Zhangsun: yes really
    genesis Zhangsun: I will be meeting a whole slew of PaB people next Monday
    genesis Zhangsun: which I am very excited about
    genesis Zhangsun: they happend to be in the area
    genesis Zhangsun: that is so cool Adelene
    Sylectra Darwin: Oh good!
    Adelene Dawner: Yes!
    Sylectra Darwin: I sure wish I could be there.
    genesis Zhangsun: it is a tremendous experience in person
    Sylectra Darwin: I look forward to it someday.


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