2012.04.11 _ 1

Noticed that there was enough space on the other side of the bed to make a little sitting space, with an encouragingly blank wall to look at. I'll be working there this session.

What do you do when you wake up feeling like crap? Hadn't expected to meet that one so early on in the 99 days. We both slept badly, and woke unrested. Now what? Ignore how you feel and get on with it? How many people do that every day of their lives? But I have a choice: do I push through anyway like a stoic, do I take a gentler approach, or do I write off today and try again tomorrow?

I think about compassion, and compassion for all - which includes self, or at least these two vehicles for my awareness. What does compassion dictate? Hmm... no closer, because I am intellectualizing. Then, after a long time, I actually experience real compassion for self, and happiness comes immediately and as naturally as a sunrise.

Now there is no stoicism, where stoicism means bearing up under the pain. Just as when I experience nonduality, there is no separation, and hence no fear and therefore no need for courage, so it seems when I experience compassion, there is happiness and therefore no need for stoicism. That's an interesting and precious realization. There will always be pain, but there can always be happiness.

Today brings one of the very few overcast mornings in Denver, but I notice the lilacs are emerging.

"Where I Hide: Ordinary Space, Available Light."

Windowsill friends.

http:hermitdog.com/99-Days/4-11-2012.png

I went back to using Insight Timer (an app on my iPhone.) It has nice bells and I think it is much better to use a timer for my half an hour rather than keep checking a clock. My mind settles into the meditation better and the time passes faster, I notice.

Lovely day, Spouse's Birthday, lovely dinner, Karuna-metta meditation, talk of scotch at PaB, not exactly a quality meditation day for me, no Tai Chi until tomorrow's class, Drunken Tai Chi would be inappropriate in the living room tonight.... although during my Karuna-metta meditation, thinking of someone close, my cat came to mind... nice that compassion is as appropriate for pets (I am the pet, cat is the master)

A whole day and nothing to say.
One foot after the other until the day was done.
Silence was very welcome.