2012.06.09 _ 60

I don't know how I would describe the way I live my life these days. More like just doing the action that seems most appropriate at the time without conforming to some philosophy or rule about it. I'm coming to see 'I' don't really have much choice anyway. Nature manifesting itself through this organism with its abilities and limitations.

I had another MRI scan this morning. I was in that claustrophobic tunnel for 40 minutes while they injected stuff into my arm. Not pleasant but I think my meditation practice over the years helped me to stay still and endure it.

As I was having my hair cut today, I pondered "free will".

The phrase is not really helpful to describe what is meant in the context we've been going over because 'free will" might actually be a will not locked into an individualistic framework defaults, rather than a will able to manifest in deliberate ways.

It seems to be about where the will is coming from... "not my will but thine be done..." being the picture of alignment.

Appreciating comments yesterday Storm.

Tomorrow is my hairdresser's birthday, so I asked her if she had any wishes. She smiled and said "of course", but I asked her again, knowing that she is a mom, and that her wishes might be entirely for her kids... it is just this way.

I don't think there is anything 'wrong' with that, with being wrapped up with those you love... desire to see them thrive, etc., but there can be a kind of lostness or writing oneself out of the equation... think this happens with 'teachers', too... Buddhist or otherwise.

This seems so powerful about karuna metta... loosening our roles/fixed locations/positions, even those we hold dearest, to see that there is more to what we are. And if we can see this about ourselves, we can see this about others too.

Maybe then we see 'first' *what we are in a larger sense*, everywhere...
which somehow reminds me of Jesus saying "Seek first the kingdom of God and all 'these things' will be added to you."

Getting beyond qualms with the way others have interpreted such verses, some something shines through. edited 23:32, 9 Jun 2012

I once considered the question of Free Will vs. Predestination. I realized that there are two possible answers, but not the two that most people expect! It's not one or the other at all. It's both or neither!

If karma exists as many believe it to exist, the predestination is merely the results of free will displaced in time. If we are just machines made out of meat, then we have no free will, and nor does predestination hold, since in natural world many events occur with probabilities not certainties.

If karma exists, then it helps us feel compassion for both victim and perpetrator, since they are just each other displaced in time. If we are mere machines, then there's no payback for showing compassion, but we'll feel happier if we do!

How many times has it been in karuna-metta meditation that "Visualize a time in their lives when they may have been suffering..." has been followed by the realization that that time was probably when they had to deal with me! Oh dear... I must be so self-centered.