2009.01.01 19:00 - Choosing to be happy

stevenaia Michinaga: hi Ade
Sylectra Darwin: Welcome, Ade.
Adelene Dawner: hi
Sylectra Darwin: Happy New Year.
stevenaia Michinaga: join me...smile
Adelene Dawner needs a hug, dammit. ^.-
stevenaia Michinaga: /hug ade
stevenaia gives Adelene a big hug.
stevenaia Michinaga: how's that
Sylectra Darwin: Hi Spurgeon!
Adelene Dawner: Better, Thanks. :)
Spurgeon Reyes: hihi
stevenaia Michinaga: :) happy to help
stevenaia Michinaga: hello Spurgeon
Sylectra Darwin gives Ade skritches.
Sylectra Darwin: Hello Kirkra!
Spurgeon Reyes: Is Nos going to be online tonight, Syl?
Kirkra Caerndow: Hello there everyone!
stevenaia Michinaga: hello Kirkra
Sylectra Darwin: I think she said she was.
Sylectra Darwin: So is everyone quiet and contemplative on New Year's Day today?
stevenaia Michinaga: another word, hungover?
Adelene Dawner chuckles at Steve
stevenaia Michinaga: or were you being kind
Kirkra Caerndow: Haha a little... but I'm still a chatterbox
Sylectra Darwin: oh dear! We lost Spurgeon!
Sylectra Darwin: Well, I think SL has been having troubles with logoffs lately - could be why Spurgeon disappeared.
Adelene Dawner is contemplating the blinding truth of the saying "my needs destroy the path through which my
needs could be fulfilled", and wonders why some people (three guesses who) don't realize that.
Squee: After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.
Sylectra Darwin: Wow, Ade. It sounds like a universal truth to me.
Spurgeon Reyes: Hmmm.
Sylectra Darwin: Welcome back Spurgeon!
Spurgeon Reyes: Network trouble, it seems.
stevenaia Michinaga: interesting statement.. tries to see which need can conflict in that way
Kirkra Caerndow: Well, it's all good I think
Sylectra Darwin: I would say that reflects a bit on the perversity of human beings, in that we create obstacles to the
very things we want and need in life.
Adelene Dawner: And it's doubly weird being on the other side of that - being the one who is being turned into the
obstacle.
stevenaia Michinaga: you are a need and an obstacle?
Adelene Dawner: I'm talking about my ex-bf, Steve. Yes to both.
Sylectra Darwin: Anyone can turn others into obstacles. It's a fun interpersonal game that people play (sarcasm).
Adelene Dawner: mmhmm
Sylectra Darwin: Easier than dealing with the truth.
Adelene Dawner: Well... in some senses, anyway.
Adelene Dawner: It is getting to me, though. I don't so much mind that he's making me out to be a monster in his
mind... I've never cared much about what people thought of me... but manipulating the situation to where no matter
what I do, I'm in the wrong...
stevenaia Michinaga: perhaps there is no solution for him, it just is
Spurgeon Reyes: There are personality disorders that amount to basically being angry that other people exist.
Sylectra Darwin: It's so hard when one person sees the situation in a certain way and it can't be reconciled with the
way others see it.
Erde.
stevenaia Michinaga: it is easy to make someone other than yourself be the problem (or the solution) but we are
each responsible for our own problems and solutions
Adelene Dawner: (Spurgeon - if there's any personality disorder relevant here, it's codependency, but I don't think so
- just a run of the mill nasty breakup.)
Adelene Dawner: Yes, Steve... and my problem is being solved... the solution to someone not respecting you is
obviously to avoid that person. It's his problems - wanting me around, wanting us to have a relationship - that aren't
being solved here.
Adelene Dawner: The thing is, I do still care about him, so that does bother me.
stevenaia Michinaga: wanting is a big burden
Sylectra Darwin: smiles
Adelene Dawner chuckles.
Sylectra Darwin: but we all do it.
Adelene Dawner: One of the things he's always complained about, about me, is how I 'want to have my cake and
eat it too'... that in situations where I want two things, I try to get them both instead of just choosing one... I bet he
wishes I was doing that here!
Adelene Dawner: Except... I really did that already, and it didn't work... I'd like for me to be happy *and* him to be
happy... but it got obvious that I have to choose.
stevenaia Michinaga: you cannot choose happiness for someone else
stevenaia Michinaga: cannot
Sylectra Darwin: True, and it's possible that his best chance for happiness lies with some other situation.
Adelene Dawner considers.
stevenaia Michinaga: The less you want, the more room there is for satisfaction, contentment
Sylectra Darwin: Steven, the trick is wanting less, and the eternal question is, how?
stevenaia Michinaga: you choose what you want, don;t choose
Squee: The biggest lie on the planet: When I get what I want, I'll be happy.
stevenaia Michinaga: Squee is Wise
Squee was prompted ^.^
stevenaia Michinaga: I want to be happy by not wanting
Sylectra Darwin: hmm, how interesting that Squee uses the same funny face in chat that Adelene does.
Sylectra Darwin: :)
Adelene Dawner chuckles.
Sylectra Darwin: I find it interesting also that I care so much more about what I want now that I have begun my new
life here.
Spurgeon Reyes giggles.
Spurgeon Reyes: So contentment is ultimately deprivation.
Sylectra Darwin: Once you make a choice, in comes the ego, (is that the right word?) with expectations of what
should happen next?
Adelene Dawner: mmm... more like distraction
stevenaia Michinaga: of certain thing
stevenaia Michinaga: I have been called depraved, but I think the context was different
Adelene Dawner laughs!
Spurgeon Reyes: depraved is not deprived.
Sylectra Darwin: heh, Steven!
stevenaia Michinaga: good point
Spurgeon Reyes: Not choosing is a choice too.
stevenaia Michinaga: thought i was conjugating verbs
stevenaia Michinaga: yes Spurgeon
Simone Greybeard: hello
Sylectra Darwin: Hello Sime!
Sylectra Darwin: Simone.
Sylectra Darwin: Want to join us?
Simone Greybeard: hello!
Adelene Dawner: The idea that a situation can make someone happy is wrong, but once you decide to be happy,
the first step might be to put yourself in a different situation. Order of events is important, tho.
Simone Greybeard: may i join?
Spurgeon Reyes: The real difference is whether we seek contentment in things outside ourselves, or if we seek it
within ourselves.
Sylectra Darwin: Absolutely. I will IM you a bit of information.
stevenaia Michinaga: yes, have you been here before?
Simone Greybeard: no
Simone Greybeard: very new here
Simone Greybeard: no
Sylectra Darwin: Okay, Simone, what we are doing here is talking about meditation methods and what we
experience as a result of our meditations.
Spurgeon Reyes giggles.
Squee: You know what? Fuck it. I'm going to be happy.
Sylectra Darwin: Everyone is welcome and we aren't actually meditating here - just talking.
Simone Greybeard: oh ok
stevenaia Michinaga: We are discussing wants and choices tonight
Sylectra Darwin: Good deal Squee.
Spurgeon Reyes: I thought you said, "what we experience as a result of our medications."
stevenaia Michinaga: love that mouse
Adelene Dawner: ^.^
Sylectra Darwin: Simone, we record the chat here for our wiki on the Internet. May we record what you say and
possibly take a picture?
Simone Greybeard: i won't be saying anything, but i will be typing
Sylectra Darwin: OK!
Sylectra Darwin: Here is the Web page where we talk about Play as Being, if you're interested in seeing it.
http://playasbeing.wik.is/
Sylectra Darwin: I think this is a great topic for New Year's Day.
Simone Greybeard: true
Sylectra Darwin: We are dealing with our choices and wants for the next year.
Sylectra Darwin: Anyone have any thoughts on New Year's resolutions?
Simone Greybeard: i actually just began meditation
Adelene Dawner resolves not to eat any wise mice this year. ;)
Sylectra Darwin: Oh dear.
Sylectra Darwin: Wacky connection tonight. I hope simone can make it back.
Sylectra Darwin: Ade, can we eat blind mice then?
Adelene Dawner: You can do whatever you like, Syl. *chuckle*
Sylectra Darwin: hehe!
Sylectra Darwin: Easier to catch anyway.
Sylectra Darwin: OK, so do I take it that none of us cares about resolutions for the new year?
Adelene Dawner: sounds like a safe bet.
Sylectra Darwin: Yeah, me too.
Sylectra Darwin: It seems too much like a setup to me.
stevenaia Michinaga: I never really have
Sylectra Darwin: I find myself wanting to choose safe resolutions that I mostly have in the bag already.
stevenaia Michinaga: goes back to wanting less
Sylectra Darwin: yes, a good time to drop those expectations is at the beginning of something, as in a year.
Sylectra Darwin: However, the year's beginning is an arbitrary measure of time and it's not really the beginning of
anything.
stevenaia Michinaga: every moment is a beginning of something
stevenaia Michinaga: the next moment
Sylectra Darwin: And that kind of takes the pressure off the New Year, doesn't it?
IM: stevenaia Michinaga: from my eye
stevenaia Michinaga: pressure, this was the most positive looking new years I ever had, how could it get worst?
Sylectra Darwin: don't ask.
stevenaia Michinaga: it's a rhetorical question
stevenaia Michinaga: well, I hope some of this gave you a better perspective Ade
Sylectra Darwin: Hi hsabbash.
Adelene Dawner nods.
stevenaia Michinaga: I must be going
Sylectra Darwin: Me too.
Sylectra Darwin: Thanks guys for stopping by!
Adelene Dawner: cya, Steve
stevenaia Michinaga: night all