2013.01.29 _ 14

Meditated in the morning. Tried the "random" button on the gong, set to 10-15 minutes. After the meditation I also reset my monitor settings so it goes black after 15 minutes instead of 10, because I always noticed the screen was going black, and that was the sign that meditation was almost over. I think it will be easier to concentrate in the last minutes if I remove external cues to how much longer it is going to be.

Discovery of the day: when I think I am "standing" or "staying upright" (the second one tends to come up when I'm tired or not in the mood), I have to work to do so. When I think I am "finding my natural posture" or "coming home to my body", I only have to allow what is happening, with possibly a little nudge here and there. edited 08:49, 29 Jan 2013

::: Old man in dark coat
::: As seen from the back, leaving
::: Cracking mortal shell edited 11:41, 29 Jan 2013

Front porch and spindles, in the middle of nowhere.

A very difficult day
filled with sadness
hard to find gratitude
until
very close friends
give virtual hugs
through facebook and email
so today's gratitude is
good friends
who can give you a hug
even when they are far away.

TAI CHI at the end of my work day, began with 5 minutes of meditation. Much quieter here, no cats, no background, just the quiet rush of cars outside. Did about 14 minutes of Chi Gong as warm up and immune system strengthening followed by a never slow enough Tai Chi. Not to self.. redefine Tai Chi speed to get to 20 minutes sooner (rush to be slow)!

Metta : didn't do a full metta - though we did spent time today talking about it and was a great time sharing thoughts about kindness.

Time with the moon and stars : I had my quite time tonight outside - it was wonderful.

South Africa : not much to add today - was focusing on other things.

did 20min, pretty easy except for tendendcy to drift asleep, is two drinks beforehand a good idea or a bad one? :)

Body: Another pound off, making 41 in all now, and a remnant of 274. In other news, today I went through the snow to visit a specialist doctor and arranged for a ganglion cyst to be removed soon. Maybe the weight loss made it visible, and maybe its removal will be extra weight loss! ;-)

Spiritual recreation: As a (very) belated 60th birthday present, a daughter bought me a mysterious secondhand book, saying I would recognize the characters. It turned out to be "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman. As it happened I read this over a decade ago but sacrificed my copy when emigrating in 2009. Gaiman writes very well, unlike Bach. He's entertaining whereas Bach is like a dog with a rag between its teeth, trying to shake the life out of it in a kind of crusade. They both have fantastic ideas but Gaiman seems to have unwittingly discovered truth - or at least I find he is uncannily accurate. And sadly there is great irony in Bach's tale if you know his later personal history. YMMV.

Listening to the rain, outside tonight, none really inside today. Warm connections online as well as a busy 'regular' day. More aware of physical hunger even though balanced meals; expect it is an inner hunger really. Puzzling as the care I have been seeking feels closer at hand; and yet am aware of glimpses of anger ; not sure what that is about. Will try to stay listening...

Missed another day.