2011.12.25 _ 6

I sat this morning with the two truths of form and emptiness. It is such a challenge to embrace this human life in full, and yet also to be what goes so much beyond that perspective, being with/as Being.

201112250006
0006 Midnight mass. The powerful and moving traditional carol sung by the choir ends in sync with the opening ritual. I'm mesmerized by the pink angel statue with trumpet up in the dome of the oldest church in Montreal (1736), by the river. This is the church where I used to come everyday by myself to attend the morning mass, the summer after my first communion. I was 6 years old and basking in the beauty of the aqua ceiling with gold engravings, the colored glass through which the morning sun was pouring liquid reds and yellows, the incense, the latin prayers, the gregorian chant. In 2011, the main priest reads a page of the New Testament with the tone of a cartoon character: the young couple in the bench in front of us is shaking with repressed laughter. A lively toddler at the back of the church is babbling happily during "Silent night", then decides to go down the alley to see the wax baby Jesus in manger. He is walking triomphantly in his red-striped pyjamas, sucking on his pacifier, hugging his security blanket, so utterly cute, then screaming at the top of his lungs as his father gathers him into his arms to bring him back to their bench. There are a few moments of silence, when even the choir and organ keep quiet. The silence does taste the same as when I was 6. Through the veils of religion, the ancient light celebration shines through.#timestamp edited 18:23, 25 Dec 2011

Love to all of you.

Dazzled by Aphrodite's photos and entirely immersed for a while, in Midnight mass with Eden. Sat for twenty minutes at the wall in my hotel room, contemplating *not being special*, which is something that came up when we were in Nova Scotia as well, sitting on rocks in the forest encircled lake. Here with family has been quite similar at times, letting down layers of guards, acceptance, not judging, not being special... retreating while being present/available, postures which allow for relaxed view. Appreciation. Quiet amazement. Nephews. Sister. 'unposed and even unattractive' pictures today. Trust.

"You need not do anything.
Remain sitting at your table and listen.
You need not even listen, just wait.
You need not even wait, just learn to be quiet, still and solitary.
And the world will freely offer itself to you unmasked.
It has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet."
-Franz Kafka edited 00:26, 26 Dec 2011

A non-stop day, with a pause just now to sit for a while. What Pema said about embracing all that, inseparable from all that's true nature, like Eden's ancient light, Aphrodite's love, Eliza's appreciation/amazement (not least of which to hear Kafka saying that!).

Long conversations
Do I have a self or not have a self
Oh why worry?
Just live and shut up
So vexatious is the questioning mind