2012.01.02 _ 14

Today I decided not to sit. It was a great experiment to sit for half an hour no matter what for two months, but during the last few days spontaneously my practice took an unexpected turn that requires quite a bit of extra time each day, leaving not enough room for both sitting and sleeping. So at least for today I'll give up on sitting. The new practice includes making little notes to myself in my journal, like these notes here, but then on an hourly basis instead of a daily basis. I'm curious to see whether that is sustainable. With that as a base, I started experimenting today in letting frustration being a reminder of emptiness/illusion/magic of all that appears, as a counter part to appreciating the presence of appearance.

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A new day, a new year, a few drops of elixir of roses made by artisans of light who live in the mountains, in a community of energeticians, talking with the devas of nature, creating a new world. #timestamp

Yes, I'm realising this is a bit like a journal, but others see what we write. Was thinking about 'being' with emotions today after reading a Joko Beck article. I just need to do it another 10,000 times so they get less painful :) But would I want to be emotion-less? Don't think so.

Working with desire and reflections today, difficulties of perfectionism, preferences... frustrations of wanting heart to be known/seen, and myriad short-comings seen in that light. Responsibilities of being 'the adult'... mine and hers.

Sometimes it is difficult to find space between what is catering to externals, vs asking someone dear to 'step up' and 'show up' in a healthy way. So I err on the side of "it is then that like a log you should remain" and allow the situation to clarify, which includes my part of things. The hardest thing is not to react, thereby tightening the knots, but to rest... :::spritzes rose perfume::::: edited 00:01, 3 Jan 2012

Zen is right. This feels like a journal with people reading over my shoulder. But this provides me with an opportunity to reflect backwards over the day, and consider what I do to try and bring meaning into being. This morning's sit with those in Original Face allowed me to recognize what courage it takes to be present and accepting as our bodies begin to fail, and what strength it requires to appreciate that disintegration as part of a cyclical whole. As Eliza says, "The hardest thing is not to react, thereby tightening the knots." edited 06:18, 3 Jan 2012

Attending to night fall, then to day rise. That in between full of dreams and thoughts. During the day kind of a rush, more ostensibly awake, maybe less attending. As Pema says, "frustration being a reminder..."