2011.08.28 _ -4

Woke with a message.. I need to listen to my body. I lay with it in the subtlety of waking. A spasm in my abdomen, started a couple of years ago.. noticed often upon going to sleep or waking.. there. I will pay attention to you. Later, while walking to a library.. purposefully walked slower for about 15 minutes, and tried to keep my attention in my body, feeling each footfall connect with the ground, the sense of alignment and continuity of my body as a whole, which areas were alive, which numbed out, or less present. Breathing into all that.. and noticing awareness fly away to see something e.g. some flowers.. and how I was suddenly just 'out of body'. Think I would like to work a bit also with last thoughts before sleep, and first thoughts on waking.

Another late start, sat for five minutes before work and five more when I came home. It's funny that my time sense while meditating is just as wrong here as in Halifax, but in the other direction: There, the sessions were over far sooner than I expected; here five minutes takes an eternity to pass. I think I'll make another change: rather than counting down the minutes of a target duration and being disappointed that I don't get there, I will start counting at zero and be pleased by however many minutes I manage to sit.

Welcome oO0Oo, it's good to have you with us.

Combined night sitting with 55 conscious breaths practice I've been at for a while, felt each supported the other, again mostly with eyes closed. Struck in writing this note, by how generally sloppy I am with regard to practice, how much I multi-task, yet at the same time note these situations where that tendency shows up in a beneficial way.

Almost missed today - and it's only my second day!

Woke up with the kids, spent the day with them, and wanted to go to bed when they were in. Resisted.

I started with standing meditation, then changed my mind : I wanted to do the prostrations first. So I did 2 mins of prostrations, 7 mins of standing, 2 mins of prostrations.

My body and mind and still readjusting to this. Have to keep reminding myself of little details like letting my body straighten itself on the in-breath and relax itself on the out-breath. And relaxing my eyes still is difficult as well. But it is good when it works.

Edited to correct typo. edited 17:42, 3 Jan 2013

The day included one long sit. Letting everything happen, the myriad comings and goings, with no comment: comments happen too. Hard to not comment on that :-) Give-upness. Before sleep, a bit more of resting, waking, dozing; hints of the big resting.

The end of the day ..watching bubbles floating in my cocoa.. ideas and thoughts drift in and out. I sit quiet. Pondering a phrase Cal used "our internal rudder" liked it very well. These brief spacious moments are what let us take hold and steer. So much better than aimless 360s :).