2011.11.26 _ 86

Pondering on meditation and on self-actualization or its lack which is rather my situation. I find it easy to meditate when somebody tells me to, as at a retreat, but very hard to get started on my own. I don't know why I have such a strong resistance to doing something that I enjoy. For the second ... we need a new plural noun for "Period of 99 Days Practice" ... I will try to make a meditating corner in the apartment, some place with fewer distractions than are available here.

Sat and listened to birdsong at the Playgoda this morning, doing a bit of body inventory to discover where this "speedbump" in my range of lower-back motion came from.

::: First a funeral
::: Then he's leaving for Paris
::: Day of detachments

today's walk
stepping out into vivid stillness
a thousand rays and modes of presence

put that in my house shrine

Early to bed, late to rise. Noticing refreshment. Preparing for a walk. Checking in. Feeling support in many ways. edited 21:33, 26 Nov 2011

Been away for a few days, work, holiday, travels... hope to be back regularly now......

Another beautiful with room for backyard meditation today, something I assumed was over until next spring, ... nice
The rustling of leaves, the creaking of trees in the wind and the scurrying of squirrels joined me for my meditation. Some things you just don't notice until you spend the right time with them.... Tai Chi went well too :)

RE: 99 days suggestion, prefers countdown back to 0 99...98...97 bottles of beer on the wall edited 21:49, 26 Nov 2011

I almost forgot to meditate today. Only at the moment I was starting to go to bed it dawned on me that I hadn't meditated yet. So that shows habit cannot replace attention. However, I did meditate, when it would have been quite easy to let it go for just one day. So a bit of perseverance helps too.

10 minutes of standing meditation. I was surprisingly tense.

In Kyoto now, after two days Tokyo. A pleasant morning sit, during which I cycled several times through the following four steps: noticing that I had fallen into distractions; then remembering how easy it is to just drop these distractions, given that they have no substance; then returning to the distractions and viewing them as part of original mind; then sitting in that paradoxical space where it is easy to drop distractions because you know that you don't have to drop them since there is nothing wrong with them.

Tonight at PaB Pema led us to watch thoughts while also engaging in the session, rather than only during the pause. It was an interesting effect and I realized in doing so there, that it is what earlier in a long conversation with a relative that had some twists and turns, I'd done.. stepping back, basically, to see where things went rather than guiding them. Fun to notice.

Stepping back to notice
where things go:)

An hour of yoga in class bracketed, like hugs, by seated mediation.
Happy to be inside while the rain poured down on the early evening traffic.
Sad to learn that my dear yoga teacher, Kate, is in a hosptal bed
Back strained by planting too many trees. edited 07:05, 27 Nov 2011