2011.11.21 _ 81

Continual renewal. Fall down, dust myself off, get back on.

Meditated in the morning. Standing meditation.

Do prostrations. Stand up. Stand for a minute. Notice I haven't really started the meditation yet. Focus on breath. Notice what breath does to my body. Allow my body to slightly accentuate that effect. Breathe in - stand straight. Breathe out - relax, let thoughts and tensions flow into the ground. Notice tension in my body. Allow attention to move there. Stay with tense part until tension is resolved. Go back to feeling whole body. Chattering starts. Notice chattering. Allow chattering to die down. Go back to body. And so on. End with three more prostrations.

Just a thought - if I keep this up, 6 prostrations a day, I will need about 50 years to finish that part of Ngöndro. Just as well I am not trying to...

::: As going to bed
::: Indigo envelops me
::: Taste of subtle world

Day one "alone" with the Lojong - practice . It´s soo heavy to me to be disciplined and to do it : one hour ! In the morning, from 6:30 to 7: 30 today - done then was really nice ! Ty Pema for appreciating my writing here ! Ty Wol for having me inspired to do that ! I´m curious how it will continue ...

For the first time since I restarted daily half-hour morning sitting, two weeks ago, I had no time left this morning. Would have been easy to tell myself to skip one day, just one out of ten, but I know so well from experience how that is the first step on a slippery slope, and how it will complicate each next day -- shall I sit today, shall I not, is this worth another exception? -- soooo much easier to just not spend time and energy on bargaining with myself and just sit. So that I did, later in the afternoon, not as concentrated as in the morning, and yet with a special quality, something golden, ripe, satisfying.

Sitting toward evening. Well, half sitting at the wall but started playing with my shadow or rather shadow with me, so I stood. Standing was wonderful... stayed on yoga mat so the ground was cushioned... feet sinking in as though standing on layers of natural ground... let my body sway as it liked to. Hm, but shadow still winking, imagined the thread that Wester once mentioned as pulling my posture aright, closed my eyes. Blink, alarm.

Got home, already after dark, temperature below zero, so bundled up for a night walk. At some point the hoody goes over the head: cozy inside, but a monk's view, itself its own droplet, walking up the hill.

The 21st.
let's see...what is knocking...?
threads of disgruntlement....darkness all around.
gratitude for electricity.

Woke up at 4 am, got out of bed at 5:00 am and did warm up excises, meditation to slow back down and Tai Chi to follow. Am liking mornings better now, hope to have more (will have more)

Feeling angry at myself for not drawing more, for not writing more -my preferred methods of being in the moment.
Today, I have been given a few new things to think about, to consider, even though I don't fully understand them.
Grateful for Pema's suggestion "to take a practice hint as a doorway, not as something to understand; to keep walking with, not as something to figure out."
So I will.
Thanks Pema. edited 06:49, 22 Nov 2011